ARE SECRETES BETWEEN SPOUSE DECEPTION?

ARE SECRETES BETWEEN SPOUSE DEMCEPTION?
I had an interesting but very puzzling conversation with my spouse over the weekend: I saw a picture of someone that looked very much like a girl friend I used to know in secondary school and I said so loudly to her hearing. I went on to add that seeing the picture was such a coincidence because few days back while I was with my mates of over thirty years post secondary school, her name came up and since then, I have wondered about her; where she is, whether married, with or without children, does she still have the nuances and shenanigans I knew, etc, etc, etc. She listened patiently and at the end asked, 'what is wrong with our marriage?'
That came from nowhere, I never expected it and was surprised, no shocked, to say the least. I thought quick and as shifty as I could think to avoid being in trouble, I said 'nothing.' then countered with strings of questions; 'why did you ask? What do you think is wrong? Did I say or do anything wrong to give you the impression that something was amiss in our relationship? What has what I said got to do with us?' And, as irritated crept in, I said 'wait a minute, are you asking because I just told you about a meaningless, inconsequential and completely forgotten relationship I had in secondary school, over thirty years back?' then I added, 'common, I pray you are not because of that...that was not even a proper relationship-we were kids pretending to be adults.' then perhaps spoilt it by saying, 'supposing I'm to tell of my other relationships-you know like higher school, University, old work place,' then the realization hit me and I quickly added, 'all of course before I met you!'
She listened to all that as she usually does-all recorded! And then she said, 'why don't you go ahead and tell of the others as well-I'm sure you remember them and still think about them too.' in my head, I screamed, JESUS. What the hell is going on and to her, as gently as I could summon, I said 'common sweetheart, I have nothing to say, I do not remember or think about anyone-never have, never will except you-my family and life.' but you and I know that, that was a lie. I mean, that a person would never, I mean never will think of what relation was kept or keeping? Whether such relationship was before or on going thought about? Not possible!! Bottom line is, such relationship should never, ever have anything to do with the sanctity of 'spouseship.'
Anyway, she then went on to lecture me on why thinking of past relationship is a signal sign that there is something wrong with that of the present. She used the analogy of life; saying if one constantly keep thinking of where and when life was 'good,' it goes to show the 'wish' to go back and relive such life. Put differently she surmised, thinking of the past is signs of disaffection with the present- two opposite of what was and present. And, for me to be looking that far back means that fundamentally, something is wrong with the present relationship, meaning our marriage!!! Now, non of that made sense to me-I mean, yes one may reflect on life that was, may even wish to go back and all but there is no direct mutual connection or relationship to/with the present. The argument went back and forth with me trying to placate her and she trying to make me face reality of 'exploring where things have gone wrong and the need to see it, admit and address it.'
All of these considered, I was more worried about something else: about secrets and what spouse can tell each other or not. I mean, why must we keep something from being said because of the reluctance or loyalty to the cultural script or illusion of not damaging or hurting relationship? I think secrets or sins of deliberate omissions are actually more damaging and signs of disloyalty than when you both have the freedom to express yourselves. Such freedom shows who you are; your flaws, limitations, strength of character, and all. The lacks on the other hand opens the pathway for fractured nearness, communications, hide and seek plus ofcourse burden and fear of discovery.
We all keep secrets, no doubt -married or not. My concern remains that you either choose to live with it or let it out-the 'whether,' 'how,' 'what to say and when'- are my headache. It is bothersome that some small talk as harmless as about your past, that cannot affect, jeopardize or alter the present cannot be discussed with your partner, then what about those past deeds or happenings, you are trying to 'hide?' those you consider 'harmful' or 'damaging?
Bottom line, I know situation vary according to how, what or who your spouse is but I'm a firm believer that secrets should never be a burden and where you are lucky to have an 'open' relationship, venturing to have mutual and open conversation may help and heal rather than harm or hinder closeness or communication.