Mind Your Language

 Mind Your Language:

So, why do you need to mind your language? Do you know how it is that things you say can have an impact on people around you as well as your wellbeing and growth? Have you seriously given thoughts to the fact that the language you use in your social life is very, very crucial in building or destroying your relationship, on occasion irreparably? We often do not give deep thought to the implications of what we say to others and their impact. We would not see in most circumstances that our language is a part of the overall production of meanings in our social relationships. But they are crucial and critical aspects of our relationship. The use of language is much more than a matter of using either when it is applied in talk or writing per se. The use of language can build or chisel the foundational blocks of any and every relationship. And that use as part of the discussion is what I intend to analyse as discourse.

So, as an introductory statement of meaning, what is discourse analysis? Discourse analysis, in the simple form of definition, is, analysing discussion. Put differently; it is a statement of result from an examination, breakdown or reasoning discussions, expression, pillow talks, questions, chat, comments, or quarrels. It is an examination that looks beyond just expressing and taking into cognisance the context and underlying meanings. Such exploration can apply to any case in point, whether written, oral, or non-verbal communication.

Discourse analysis is a crucial part of our learning process because it can help clarify the meanings that events and experiences hold for us all as social actors. Discourse as a way of learning and self-development offers us methods and techniques for anyone interested in meaning-making and wanting to have perspectives and a better understanding of social interactions and knowledge construction across societies, age groups and cultures. For instance, have you ever quarrelled with your spouse or any other relationship and, seconds later, wondered that perhaps you should have let the matter be? Have you had a heated debate or argument with someone only to find out that you or your opponent may have misunderstood the context leading to taking different positions? Or, why do the youths of today seem to speak and understand themselves but often you cannot fathom what they are on about, and they, in turn, look to you like some alien in conversation? Discourse analysis knowledge can help one understand better and participate more effectively in; debates, discussions, and dialogues providing all meetings with the capacity to see others' perspectives other than theirs. I'd now like to digress to give a connecting map to how I started the discussions above, and referencing self-development, and education enlightenment as a crucial part of growth, and maturing.

'Self-development is taking steps to better yourself. It is an ongoing journey, a process of constant learning; jettisoning what draws you back from improving yourself from where you are to where you want to be, educating yourself or seeking education where/when/how it can be obtained; overcoming fear of failure; acquiring the habit of self-confidence; believing that you have what it takes to succeed; ignoring all forms of limitations alleging you are limited, weak, destined poor, can't do, etc.; be wise to exploitation cloaked in all guises. 

Self-development allows you to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and work on overcoming the weaknesses and strengthening others. The benefits are that you grow as a person, improve your skills and self-awareness, and boost your confidence. And, while on self-development journey, you adopt easy ways; non-judgemental, realistic, encouraging ways to self-assess how you are doing in the areas of spiritual, education, emotional, physical, and social development.'

The word language as a form of communication, as broadly used here, include verbal and non-verbal: Language is used as instrumental to expressing people’s needs or to get things done; regulating; telling others what to do; interacting; making contact, forming or sustaining relationships, to express feelings or express pinion; mark of individual identity, Heuristic; to gain knowledge about the environment, to imagine; tell stories, make jokes, and create imaginary environment representational that convey facts and information. Language non verbally can be expressed in the forms of physical behaviours and mannerisms communicated often, instinctively rather than consciously, because whether you are aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you are continuously giving and receiving wordless signals. The gestures you make, your posture, the pitch and tone of your voice, and how much eye contact you make—send strong messages. They can put people at ease, build trust, and draw others towards you, or they can offend, confuse, and undermine what you’re trying to convey. Such communication does not stop, even when you stop speaking. Also, crucially is the language used as an instrument of manipulations, influence, persuasions, domination, etc.

Recently, two of my staff had an altercation over a non-official matter. The words "abusive," particularly by the female staff, made the male so angry that he nearly lost control. They came to me at different times to give versions of what happened, and as they explained, I could see how each cleverly used words to try to manipulate me to judge the matter, seeing what happened from their perspectives and narration. They painted the other as troublesome, unreformed, useless, wicked, correctable, and incorrigible. I listened, fascinated by how their language was twisted with meanings and context far from what was being expressed. The manipulation continued beyond my office, with each attempting to manoeuvre and manipulate other staff and guests to be on their sides against the other.

I also had an interesting conversation with an accountant who had a long discussion about politics. He tried but failed to convince me why his favoured candidates should be preferred. In the same way, he had been convinced that President Buhari of Nigeria was God-sent, only to realise after two years that he should have voted for Atiku.

Lastly, I recall a heated discussion with a lady in my bank, only to realise minutes later, and quickly apologised, not because I felt I was wrong but because I assumed wrongly and had taken for granted that she misunderstood the context of my argument and reason for my jumping the queue.

All the above examples show how language can be used as an instrument of manipulations or that there is sometimes a lack of identity of meaning between two or more people from one use of a particular expression to another even, on very same contexts or subject matter. The context Or subject matter is supposed to give specific meaning and direction to any expression. But, every day, social language has influenced or brought about such variation in content, context, and meaning that often two or more people saying the same thing can do so in so many different ways that the original and central meaning and context of expression(s) would need further explanations. The contextual character of the use of language is crucial to the understanding of communication these days, particularly among the younger generation influenced by social media. So, the interest in this write-up is to examine and advise on the varying meanings of language expressions concerning how words are used, focusing on purposes, context, and the need to be mindful and careful to avoid being careless in the use of language.

Fundamental to the continued growth of an individual in the knowledge of and the proper use of language is the role and function of learning and decorum in the use of language as instrumental to self-development. I’d be guided in the process of explanation and advice by the theorising research by Svensson (1978), where he exemplified how the same concept was expressed in very different words while very different conceptions were expressed in somewhat similar terms and argued for the importance of studying the relation between the use of expressions and the conception as a unit of thought. And Anderberg (1999, 2000, 2003) and Anderberg et al. (personal communication) later made more extensive and thorough studies of the use of words in expressing conceptions, as well as the change in the use of words and images when they were reflected on in a unique dialogue setting.

The intentional-expressive approach acknowledges the dependence of the expressed meaning on the intentional context. It underlines the need to clarify the meaning of individual expressions through a process of interpretation concerning the intended context of the speaker. In my examination of the conversations I had with the lady at my bank, I have not assumed that I know in totality what her intentions was when she challenged and bent on preventing me from joining the queue. However, given the incidents, conversations, reactions, and body expressions, I could interpret and come to some empathetic conclusions. And, in doing so, reacted appropriately.

In coming to my interpretation and conceptualisation of the language of my staff, being able to listen, remember, understand, see, and hear the language, was of crucial importance. This is sound because viewing language as a social entity is intimately related to how individual use of language is perceived. If I'm to use the language of my staff as an example: I am a generation older than the two of them. And, listening to them, if I had not been a participant in the conversation with their age mates, with them and have a son that is of their generation at home, and then if I were to look upon their expression from the standpoint of vocabulary, I'd have assumed they were speaking in any other unintelligible language, other than English. The words were a mixture of half sentences, vernacular, facial, and other body part expressions. I was supposed to understand all and did because I took in the culture, meaning, and context. The same applied to the other examples, only that I had to widen the context to accommodate understanding, educational background, what is proper, respect, and intentions.

Being Empathetic, Mindful And, Careful In The Use Of Language;

Resolving the problem between my staff required understanding the genesis of their quarrel and seeing how to reverse the feelings of animosity towards each other and replace them with better understanding. It was not easy getting them to reconsider each other's reasons because of their set beliefs. It was worse because they both continued to reference the language used, which I attempted to reverse and replace by redefining each word and reconstructing sentences for better understanding and acceptance. 

It was the same approach I adopted when I apologised and attempted to redirect the beliefs and conclusions of the lady at the bank. What are the things that colour your assumptions towards others, your thoughts that can affect how you relate and communicate with others? What mind construct can affect your language when you have heated arguments with others, sometimes your loved ones. Can you re-examine your beliefs so you hold back throwing hateful and vile speeches; be verbal and non-verbal when you relate? It is essential to carry these examinations and wheat out the fallacious imaginations. 

Nothing beats embracing a positive attitude of counting down from hundreds to prevent reactions from making you throw out words like missiles that cannot be recalled and causing untold, often unamenable damages. 

As I have mentioned in another write-up, it is essential to think favourable all the time about all the things you can do. Think about what good it would do for your relationship if you create the habit of positive thinking and banish such habits that make you speak before you think of the consequences. Also, think of your well-being and the feel-good factor where you do not have to boil the bile that could affect your wellness. 

Putting these the way I have or citing how I have handled mine does not mean doing all these would be easy. One thing is, however, sure. When you start thinking about and catch yourself when you begin to drift into such a negative attitude, you will likely start addressing it. In the long run, you are better off because there would be fewer quarrels between spouses, families and other relationships.

So, I would conclude that you need to be completely honest to cut out negative thinking and fallacy beliefs of having being wronged, superior, inferior, and all other cloaks and covers that you use not to move out of your comfort zone to embrace being understanding, empathetic and reasonable in relating to others. Please go on, give it a go, and see what goods being positive bring you.