Advise On Self-Development; #Mind Your Language:

So, why do you need to mind your language? Do you know how it is that things you say can have an impact on people around you as well as your wellbeing and growth? Have you seriously given thoughts to the fact that the language you use in your social life is very, very crucial in building or destroying your relationship, on occasion irreparably? Often, we do not give deep thoughts to the implications of what we say to others and their impact. We would not see in most circumstances that our language is a part instance of the overall production of meanings in our social relationship. But they are and crucial and critical aspects of our relationship. The use of language is much more than a matter of employment either when it is applied in talk or writing per se. The use of language can build or chisel the foundational blocks of any and every relationship. And, that use as part of the discussion is what I intend to analyze here as discourse.

So, as a basic statement of meaning, what is discourse analysis? Discourse analysis in the simple form of definition is, analyzing discussion. Put differently; it is a statement of result from an examination, breakdown or reasoning on discussions, expressions, pillow talks, questions, chats, comments, or quarrels. It is an examination that looks beyond just expressing to taking into cognizance the context and underlying meanings of such expressions. Such exploration can apply to any case in point, whether written, oral, or non-verbal communication.

Discourse analysis is a crucial part of our learning process because it can help tell, as well as make clearer, the meanings that events and experiences hold for us all as social actors. Discourse as a way of learning and self-development offers us methods and techniques for anyone interested in meaning-making as well as wanting to have perspectives and a better understanding of social interactions and knowledge construction across societies, age groups and cultures. For instance, have you ever quarreled with your spouse or do so in any other relationship and, seconds later, wondered whether you should have let the matter be? Have you had a heated debate or argument with someone only to find out that you or your opponent may have misunderstood the context leading to taking different positions? Or, why the youths today seem to speak and understand themselves but, often you cannot fathom what they are on about and they, in turn, look to you like some alien in conversation? The knowledge about discourse analysis can help to better understanding and participate more effectively in debates, discussions, and dialogues and, providing all those in the conversation capacity to see from the perspectives of the others. I would now like to digress to providing a connecting map to how I started the discussions, referencing education enlightenment as a crucial part of self-development. Here is a summary:

Self-development is taking steps to better yourself. An on-going journey. A process of constant learning. Channel to jettison what draws you back. Holds you from improving yourself by moving from where you are to where you want to be. An unfolding way to educating yourself or seeking education where/when/how it can be acquired. Of overcoming fear of failure. Acquire the habit of self-confidence. Believing that you have what it takes to succeed and ignoring all forms of limitations alleging you are limited, weak, destined poor, can not do. So, be wise to exploitation cloaked in all guises. 

Self-development allows you to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and to work on overcoming the weakness and strengthening the other. The benefits are that you grow as a person, improve your skills, self-awareness, and boost your confidence. And, while on the self-development journey, you adopt easy ways; non-judgemental, realistic, encouraging ways to self-assess how you are doing in the areas of spiritual, education, emotional, physical, and social development.

The word communication or language broadly used here includes verbal and non-verbal. Excercise as an instrumental in expressing needs or getting things done. To regulate by telling others what to do; to interact; to make contact with others, form or sustain relationships, to express feelings-opinion-individual identity, Heuristic; to gain knowledge about the environment, to imagine-tells stories, jokes, and create imaginary environmental representation-to convey facts and information. Language can be expressed  in the form of physical behavior, mannerisms to communicate nonverbally, often done instinctively rather than consciously because, whether you are aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you are continuously giving and receiving wordless signals. The gestures you make, your posture, the pitch, and tone of your voice, how much eye contact you make—send strong messages. They can put people at ease, build trust, and draw others towards you, or they can offend, confuse, and undermine what you are trying to convey. Such communication does not stop, even when you stop speaking. Also, as crucially is the use of language as an instrument of manipulations, influence, persuasions or domination.

Recently, two of my staff had an altercation over a non-official matter and, the words abusage, particularly by the female staff made the male staff very angry that he nearly lost control. They came to me at different times to give versions of what happened, and as they explained, I could see clearly how each cleverly used words to try to manipulate me to judge the matter, seeing what happened from their perspectives. They both painted the other as troublesome, unreformed, useless, wicked, not correctable, and incorrigible. It was fascinating listening to how their languages were loaded with meanings and context far different from sentences being expressed. The manipulation continued beyond my office as each of them attempted to draw other staff and guests for support.

I also had an interesting conversation with a young accountant about politics as he tried but failed to convince me of why his favored candidate should be preferred. His argument I discovered, went thesame way, he had been convinced that President Buhari was God sent, only to realize after two years that he should have voted for Atiku.

Last. I recall too, my altercation with a lady recently. Only to realize minutes later, and quickly apologized, not because I felt I was wrong but because I had assumed wrongly and had taken for granted that she understood the context of my argument and reasons for my critiquing her stance.

All the above examples show how language can be used as an instrument of manipulations or that there are sometimes lack of identity of meaning between two or more people from the use of one particular expressions to another though on very same contexts or subject matter. The context or subject matter is supposed to give specific meaning, direction to any expression. But, every day social language has influenced or brought about such variation in content, context, and meanings. That, often two or more people saying the same thing can do so in so many different ways that the original and central meaning and context of expression(s) would need further explanations. The contextual character of the use of language is crucial to the understanding of communication these days, particularly among the younger generation influenced by social media. So, the interest in this write up is to examine and advise on the changing meanings of language and expressions with concerns on how words are used; focusing on meanings, context, and the need to be mindful, careful to avoid being careless in the use of language.

Fundamental to the continued growth of an individual is the knowledge of and the proper use of language including it’s role and function as instrumental to self-development. I am guided in the process of this exploration by the theorizing research by Svensson (1978). He exemplified how the same concept was expressed in very different words, while very different conceptions were expressed in rather similar words, and argued for the importance of studying the relation between the use of expressions and the conception as a unit of thought. And, Anderberg (1999, 2000, 2003) and Anderberg et al. (personal communication) later made more extensive and thorough studies of the use of words in expressing conceptions, as well as the change in the use of words and/or conception when they were reflected on in a special dialogue setting.

In my examination of the conversations in the three examples given. I have not assumed that I know in totality what the intentions of the others are. However, given the incidents, conversations, and reactions as well as body expressions, I was able to interpret and come to some empathetic conclusions. And, in doing so, reacted appropriately.

Being Empathetic, Mindful And, Careful In The Use Of Language;

To be able to resolve the problem between my staff required understanding the genesis of their quarrel and see how to reverse the feelings of animosity towards each other and replace them with better understanding. It was not easy getting them to reconsider and seeing each other's reasons because of their set beliefs. It was worse because they both continued to make references to the language used to which I attempted to also reverse and replace by redefining each word and reconstructing sentences for better understanding and acceptance. 

It was the same approach I adopted when I apologized and in my attempted to redirect the takes, beliefs and conclusions of the accountant. 

So, I urge you to do a self-examination of your person. What are the things that color your assumptions towards others, your perceptions that can affect how you relate and communicate with others? What construct of the mind can induce your language when you have heated arguments with others, sometimes, your loved ones. Can you reexamine the beliefs you hold that can have you throwing careless and vile languages about? It is of importance to be able to carry out these self-examinations and weed out the fallacious imaginations. 

Nothing beats one's beliefs in positive attitude. In being able to always count down from hundreds to prevent reactions that makes you throw out words like missiles that cannot be taken back and causing untold, usually, unamenable damages. 

As I have mentioned in an earlier piece, it is of importance to think positive at all times about all the things you can do. Think about what good it would do for your relationship where you create the habit of positive thinking and banish such habits that make you speak before you think of the consequences. Also, think of your well being and about the feel-good factor where you do not have to boil the bile that could affect your wellness. 

Putting these the way I have or citing the way I have handled issues may make this processes sound so easy. No, it is not. One thing however is assured. When you start thinking about not being negative and catching yourself drifting to such attitude, you are likely to start addressing it and, in the long run, you are better off because there would be fewer quarrels between spouses, between families, and other relationships.

So, I conclude that we all need to be completely honest to cut out negative thinking and fallacies in our lives. Cut out beliefs of having been wronged, superior, inferior, and all other cloaks and covers that we use not to move out of our comfort zone to embrace being understanding, empathetic, and reasonable in relating to others. Go on, give it a go, and see what goods being positive brings you.