Lessons In Self-Development; Overcoming Negative Thoughts:

When I was in England, once in awhile someone would ask, “Where are you from?” At first, it was not strange because such a question back in Nigeria was meant to know what tribe or region one belongs. Mainly, I think, to have one drawn nearer in companionship. Though, clearly, it was not so for every Nigerians, particularly when it concerns employment and distribution of wealth. Still, it was and is obvious why I often am asked, I believe it is because I speak different Nigerian major languages and cannot easily be pinned to a particular region or tribe.

 

Once, there was a robbery where I worked and as I captured the three white youths on one of my cameras, rather than call my colleague, a Burmese security guard who spoke little English to chase them away, I went after them. Frankly, it was not to prevent them from stealing anything, I was so angry, I intended catching, at least, one and knocking him silly. They all ran away before I caught any. The next day, when the police arrived, while two of them went round with a guard on shift the next day, one stayed with me to take my statement. He was a young white male officer of about my age. He viewed the camera and at the end, asked for a copy. With the statement done and copy collected and put away, casually, unexpectedly, he turned to me and asked, where are you from? As mentioned above, this was something I was familiar with and used to so, I’d have conversationally, told him I’m from Nigeria, Bla-bla but because I had had very bad experience with some very nasty Britons, whites and blacks who felt Africans are in the UK to deprive them of opportunities and undeservedly are in their country, my anti-bigotry, preservation, and protective tentacles went up. Again, Watching television, reading the papers, and then, social media with one’s mind constantly bombarded with information about police brutality, racist attacks, discrimination cases, etc. Such information gradually permeate the subconsciousness, and manifest as learned habitual thinking. That was the state and stage I was at that moment. So, even though I grew up in an environment that taught and reinforced a positive mental attitude to life, and relationship with people of different background but because of the situation I found myself in, in an English culture where minority with voice and power make strangers unwelcome, my thinking had been corrupted and negatively enforced. So, to his question, I retorted with my counter questions, asking why he wanted to know where I was from? And, how knowing so connected to the attempted robbery case, etc, etc. I asked these questions, making sure he knew I was up for defending right to my dignity! With one long look at my face, he bursted out laughing. Now, that was a reaction I least expected, and it caught me off guard. Anyway, catching his breath, he explained that, I spoke so well, and very articulate compared to few others he had met, slightly bending his head in the general direction where my colleague and his exited, and he continued. He said, he was wondering why I was sitting watching cameras and, ‘super-vising’ he emphasized the ‘super’ with another snickering burst, rather than in some fancy office all suited. Maybe I should have been offended too because such a statement was also not ‘politically’ correct. But I was not because, he said it so offhandedly and sweetly, like a ‘normal’ human Being, and not the always suspiciously looking English police. I was a bit ashamed hearing him explain and in my response, I said that I was a Writer, doing postgraduate studies, and working as a supervisor for the company managing the building we were in. We discussed at length about other issues and ourselves, then exchanged numbers before the others joined us. It was a humbling and learning experience. We became friends, and we still were exchanging pleasantries for years, even after I relocated to Nigeria.

Now, what is the relevance of this story to self-development?

It is to show how the power of negative thinking can affect and erode ones’ mental state and attitude and the need to watch out for it and effectively manage as well as overcome It. Negative thinking is a pattern of thought process that reduces ones, ' perceptions, expectations, and life view in association with unpleasant emotions such that only from the worst possible considerations and scenarios are things seen.

 

It is so easy to fall into the trappings of negative thinking compared to the efforts required to staying and thinking positive. The pattern can start by the environment one grew, works, or the friends one associates with. Where you grow up under parentage where all you hear regarding people, things, and life generally are complaints, defeatism, and struggles inflicted by others, and never about taking responsibility to change and make things and relationships better, there is a possibility that you would grow up thinking same ways. Then again, where such thoughts are combined with growing up in depriving and poor, or difficult situations and environs, there is also possibility for you to be  inclined to thinking negatively. Lastly, where you hang around families or neighbours who view the world, and most situations through predominantly negative mental attitude you are bound to get influenced: And, as it is said of the environment, same can be said for negative friends; people of habitual pessimistic mindset would do whatever is in their power to bring others down to their level. They are contagious because you can easily get sucked in by their negativity by feel sympathetic, wantIng to help, or get drained either by their hostility, emotionally cluttering and battery. Lastly, a negative workplace is toxic, cantankerous, and can make all persons working in the environment irritable, exasperated, and peevish. Such a place would not encourage productivity or motivate. In such an environment, it is a delicate balance between coming to work to face such negativity and going back home without having to take it home to affect your loved ones.

 

What To Do To Reverse Negative Influence:

 

How do you think about the followings: Do you think often of difficulty, failure, inadequacy, defeat, loss, limitations, being a mess, non success, wreck, disaster, etc? Are you influenced by negative news you watch and hear? Or, the films, and books that you see and read? Do you think about being stuck and unable to improve on your wealth or health? Do you often think of the lack of happiness or money? If all you do is think of all these negatively, then you easily fill your mind with depressing and pessimistic thoughts that radiates negative energy into your body and reflected in your attitude which then can repulse and push away what good will, wish, valediction, or supportive opportunities that could come your way.

 

However, the good news is that recognition and admission of such habit and determination, persistent to work to reverse the trend can work wonders to bring about needed change. But, it requires willingness, efforts, and practicing positive thinking.

 

Few Tips To Reverse Such Thinking;

1. Feed your mind every morning with gratefulness that you have the opportunity to live another day and would want to make the best of the chance.
2. Give the mind the required energy to think strategically about what you can do every day to develop yourself in all aspects of self-development.
3. Let your interactions with people be to learn from them. There are lessons you can learn from, even negative people-learn not to think or be like them.
4. Even you cannot change your environment by relocating or going away from negative people, work to see that their attitude and toxicity do not bring you down to their level. Read inspirational books, listen to true religious messages that is not meant to manipulate and drag you towards dependency and hellish depression.
5. All the above require working on your emotions, seeing to distance your thought process and emotional reactions to negativities. These require much effort and practice because emotionally negative people can be very demanding in nature and would put pressure on you to bend to their demands by appeals, entreaties, supplications, denials, turning ugly, etc.
6. Be clever. Always try to acknowledge their comments without being drawn to participating in them. Never turn to them for expectation of support or if you must, limit such expectations.
7. You cannot be a negative person's problem solver. You can by whatever means try to rephrase their negative comments, offer positive alternatives, and hope they learn but try not to take charge and be their problem solver as that would only have you drawn into their depressing state. You can always provide sympathetic and neutral, not being judgemental empathetic ears to listen to them but do not try to want to solve their problems with wanting to have them do a complete turn around to being happy.
8. A negative work environment requires immediate attention. Try to identify the cause of the negative influence and apply whatever changes are needed.
9. A workplace that encourages innovations and creativity often is most profitable because it throws up challenges, encourages participation, brings about enthusiasm, and people who work there see their efforts valued through positive feedbacks.

 

So where and whenever you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, work to replace them with positive ones. You do need to remain alert to these thoughts; you need to put in efforts not to get sucked into them. Have faith because no one was created a failure. Positive attitude, declaration, pronouncement, and beliefs can help propel you to levels you never thought you could reach. So, the need to make that decision to embrace positive thinking and commitment to, never go back to, the dearth that is, power of negative thoughts and attitude.