TOPIC TODAY: Are You a Parent or a Sound-Proofer?: Are you ignoring your child’s "noise" because you want a "comfortable" life, or because you truly believe they are fine?If your child is "quiet," is it because they are peaceful or because they have given up on you as a source of comfort?The Big Question: Would you rather have a "successful" child with a "perfect" reputation, or a healthy child who actually wants to be alive at adulthood?
The generator at Evking’s Bar is humming a low, steady tune, but inside, the air is thick with a different kind of tension. Ola is showing everyone a picture of his nephew, who just won a math competition. "The boy is a star," Ola beams. "Never complains, never makes trouble. He’s always very 'quiet' - the best kind of child."
Nne looks up from her drink, her expression unreadable. "Quiet isn't always 'good,' Ola. Sometimes quiet is just a child learning how to scream without making a sound so they don't 'disturb the guests.'"
The Lead: The "Angst" Alibi
We live in a world where parents are often more concerned with the noise a child makes than the pain they feel. We mistake clinical depression for "teenage angst" and panic attacks for "attention-seeking." By the time many parents acknowledge a mental health issue, the "tire tread" of the child’s resilience has already worn thin. Whether it’s through stigma, denial, or a narcissistic need to keep the family looking "perfect," the result is the same: a severed bond and a child who learns that to be loved, they must be invisible.
NNE:
My parent was having a drink with his friend and talking about youth behavioural issues. I was sitting right there. My chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. My heart was thudding so loud I couldn't hear my dad’s voice. To them, I was just "being a bit quiet." To me, I was dying.
JENNIFER:
That’s the tragedy, Nne. We have parents who are "noise-optimized." Much like advanced tire technology aims to reduce road noise for a "luxurious" ride, many parents try to "engineer" their children to be quiet and comfortable or simply give the right responses. They want the "CEAT SportDrive CALM" version of a child - with no friction, the right responses, and, no vibrations.
OLA:
But shouldn't a child be well-behaved?
JENNIFER:
When you prioritize "silence" over "security," you miss the friction. If the child’s "tread" is worn out by trauma - like a father being killed or a narcissistic home environment - the child starts "masking." They smile, they laugh, they talk. But inside, they are in a state of derealization, feeling like the world isn't even real.
JIDE:
I’m 30 now. My father ignored my depression because it was "inconvenient." I learned to walk on eggshells. I became a "good citizen," but I have no self-love.
ELDER EPHRAIM (The Teacher):
I see it in the classroom every day. It’s not that parents don't "care" - it's that they are in stigma-driven denial. They don't want the "label" on their child, so they ignore the symptoms until the academic work stops and the hygiene suffers.
The "Check Engine" Lights: Signs You Are Ignoring
NNE:
There’s a girl, let’s call her Ada. At 26, she’s struggling with Bipolar 2. She asked for help at an early age, but she was ignored. Her issue was swept under the rug as attention-seeking or "entitlement." Now she is an adult, desperately trying to be a "normal" independent young woman while her brain is rapid-cycling.
JENNIFER:
That is the intergenerational cost. When we don't treat the young girl at the age she needed to be treated, we ruin the 26-year-old adult trying to have a normal relationship with people around her. It’s a "detrimental developmental cascade."
The Inquiry: The Reconciliation of the Mind
The Group notes that mental health is not a "choice" - it’s a biological and environmental reality.
• Stigma is a Killer: Parents fear the "label" more than they fear the "illness."
• Actions over Words: Telling a child "I'm here for you" means nothing if you tell them to "stop disturbing the guests" when they are having a crisis.
• It is never too late to make anend orcrepair the childhood damage.
• The "One Hour" Rule: Take an hour a week to talk about anything but performance. Build the bridge before you need to cross it.
Nne looks up from her drink, her expression unreadable. "Quiet isn't always 'good,' Ola. Sometimes quiet is just a child learning how to scream without making a sound so they don't 'disturb the guests.'"
The Lead: The "Angst" Alibi
We live in a world where parents are often more concerned with the noise a child makes than the pain they feel. We mistake clinical depression for "teenage angst" and panic attacks for "attention-seeking." By the time many parents acknowledge a mental health issue, the "tire tread" of the child’s resilience has already worn thin. Whether it’s through stigma, denial, or a narcissistic need to keep the family looking "perfect," the result is the same: a severed bond and a child who learns that to be loved, they must be invisible.
NNE:
My parent was having a drink with his friend and talking about youth behavioural issues. I was sitting right there. My chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. My heart was thudding so loud I couldn't hear my dad’s voice. To them, I was just "being a bit quiet." To me, I was dying.
JENNIFER:
That’s the tragedy, Nne. We have parents who are "noise-optimized." Much like advanced tire technology aims to reduce road noise for a "luxurious" ride, many parents try to "engineer" their children to be quiet and comfortable or simply give the right responses. They want the "CEAT SportDrive CALM" version of a child - with no friction, the right responses, and, no vibrations.
OLA:
But shouldn't a child be well-behaved?
JENNIFER:
When you prioritize "silence" over "security," you miss the friction. If the child’s "tread" is worn out by trauma - like a father being killed or a narcissistic home environment - the child starts "masking." They smile, they laugh, they talk. But inside, they are in a state of derealization, feeling like the world isn't even real.
JIDE:
I’m 30 now. My father ignored my depression because it was "inconvenient." I learned to walk on eggshells. I became a "good citizen," but I have no self-love.
ELDER EPHRAIM (The Teacher):
I see it in the classroom every day. It’s not that parents don't "care" - it's that they are in stigma-driven denial. They don't want the "label" on their child, so they ignore the symptoms until the academic work stops and the hygiene suffers.
The "Check Engine" Lights: Signs You Are Ignoring
There’s a girl, let’s call her Ada. At 26, she’s struggling with Bipolar 2. She asked for help at an early age, but she was ignored. Her issue was swept under the rug as attention-seeking or "entitlement." Now she is an adult, desperately trying to be a "normal" independent young woman while her brain is rapid-cycling.
JENNIFER:
That is the intergenerational cost. When we don't treat the young girl at the age she needed to be treated, we ruin the 26-year-old adult trying to have a normal relationship with people around her. It’s a "detrimental developmental cascade."
The Inquiry: The Reconciliation of the Mind
The Group notes that mental health is not a "choice" - it’s a biological and environmental reality.
• Stigma is a Killer: Parents fear the "label" more than they fear the "illness."
• Actions over Words: Telling a child "I'm here for you" means nothing if you tell them to "stop disturbing the guests" when they are having a crisis.
• It is never too late to make anend orcrepair the childhood damage.
• The "One Hour" Rule: Take an hour a week to talk about anything but performance. Build the bridge before you need to cross it.
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