TOPIC TODAY: Is Your Home a Factory or a Garden? Are you training your son to be a "King" who can't feed himself, or a Man who is a partner in bis home? Does your daughter know she is a Person first, and a "potential wife" second? The Big Question: If you treated your son and daughter exactly the same for one week - same chores, same praise, same investment - what would change in your family's "mental growth"?
The clinking of glasses at Elder Ephraim's garden is interrupted by a sharp laugh from Nne. Ola has just complained that his teenage daughter’s Jollof rice was "too salty," followed by a comment that "no man will marry a woman who can’t season a pot." Meanwhile, while the daughter cooked, his son sat at the dinning table, shouting at a football match on his phone, oblivious to hus sister's works in the kitchen.
The Lead: The Domestic Double Standard
In many homes, "training" is a gendered term. Daughters are enrolled in an unpaid, lifelong internship for marriage, while sons are granted a "scholarship" of leisure. We call it tradition, but science calls it Developmental Sabotage. When we excuse sons from chores, we don't make them "men"; we make them domestically disabled. When we tell daughters to "sit well" or "cook better" because of their gender, we tell them their value is performative. Real equality doesn't start at the ballot box - it starts at the kitchen sink.
The Chore Gap: Why Equality Begins at the Kitchen Sink
NNE:
Ola, why is it that when the light goes out, your daughter is the one expected to find the matches, while your son doesn't even know where the kitchen drawer is? You are training her for a husband, but who are you training son for? A landlord?
OLA:
It’s about roles, Nne! A woman must keep a home. It is why our mothers said: "Sit well, you are a girl."
JENNIFER:
But Ola, research shows that parents - often unintentionally - invest more time and "helpful praise" in sons, while investing more "work expectations" in daughters.
JENNIFER (cont.):
We even save more for sons' educations. This "Time Investment" gap means daughters often reach their academic ceiling sooner because they are too busy "managing the home" to manage their own futures.
JIDE:
I used to think being excused from chores was a win. It wasn't. When I moved out, I was a mess. I had zero time management and zero "functional independence."
JENNIFER:
Exactly. Chores aren't just about a clean house; they are about Executive Function.
What a Child Actually Learns from Chores
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Be an Intentional Parent. If you only train one person out of the group, you haven't succeeded; you’ve created a dependency.
OLA:
So, I should make my son wash the plates too?
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Yes. Let them take turns. Don't allow them to "discriminate" by saying "this is for girls." If one is not available, the other should be able to fill the gap. That is Teamwork.
The Inquiry: Training for Life, Not Just for a Spouse
The Group concludes that the "Marriage Prep" model is outdated and harmful.
• Equality is a Skill: If they can't share a sink, they can't share a life.
• The "Respect" Factor: A spouse will respect a partner who was trained well - regardless of gender.
• Pick Your Battles: A messy room isn't the end of the world, but a "messy" character (lazy, entitled, or overburdened) is hard to fix later.
The Lead: The Domestic Double Standard
In many homes, "training" is a gendered term. Daughters are enrolled in an unpaid, lifelong internship for marriage, while sons are granted a "scholarship" of leisure. We call it tradition, but science calls it Developmental Sabotage. When we excuse sons from chores, we don't make them "men"; we make them domestically disabled. When we tell daughters to "sit well" or "cook better" because of their gender, we tell them their value is performative. Real equality doesn't start at the ballot box - it starts at the kitchen sink.
The Chore Gap: Why Equality Begins at the Kitchen Sink
NNE:
Ola, why is it that when the light goes out, your daughter is the one expected to find the matches, while your son doesn't even know where the kitchen drawer is? You are training her for a husband, but who are you training son for? A landlord?
OLA:
It’s about roles, Nne! A woman must keep a home. It is why our mothers said: "Sit well, you are a girl."
JENNIFER:
But Ola, research shows that parents - often unintentionally - invest more time and "helpful praise" in sons, while investing more "work expectations" in daughters.
JENNIFER (cont.):
We even save more for sons' educations. This "Time Investment" gap means daughters often reach their academic ceiling sooner because they are too busy "managing the home" to manage their own futures.
JIDE:
I used to think being excused from chores was a win. It wasn't. When I moved out, I was a mess. I had zero time management and zero "functional independence."
JENNIFER:
Exactly. Chores aren't just about a clean house; they are about Executive Function.
What a Child Actually Learns from Chores
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Be an Intentional Parent. If you only train one person out of the group, you haven't succeeded; you’ve created a dependency.
OLA:
So, I should make my son wash the plates too?
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Yes. Let them take turns. Don't allow them to "discriminate" by saying "this is for girls." If one is not available, the other should be able to fill the gap. That is Teamwork.
The Inquiry: Training for Life, Not Just for a Spouse
The Group concludes that the "Marriage Prep" model is outdated and harmful.
• Equality is a Skill: If they can't share a sink, they can't share a life.
• The "Respect" Factor: A spouse will respect a partner who was trained well - regardless of gender.
• Pick Your Battles: A messy room isn't the end of the world, but a "messy" character (lazy, entitled, or overburdened) is hard to fix later.
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