TOPIC TODAY: Rudeness or Confidence when Children asserting themselves looks disrespectful. Is your child's "disrespect" actually a sign that they are becoming a strong-willed adult? Are you reacting to their words, or to your own wounded pride? The Big Question: Would you rather have a child who obeys you out of fear today, or a child who talks to you out of trust tomorrow?
The fans at Evking’s Bar are spinning at full speed, but the air is thick. Ola’s daughter, Tems, has just told him, "Dad, I hear you, but I don’t agree with that choice for my life. I need some space to decide." Ola is stunned. He looks at his friends, his ego visibly bruised. "Did you hear that? In my day, you don’t 'disagree' with your father. You don't ask for 'space.' That is pure rudeness! The internet has spoiled these genZ generation."
Nne leans over, stirring her drink. "Ola, she didn't curse at you. she didn't shout. She told you her boundary. If she can’t say 'no' to you, her father who loves her, how will she ever say 'no' to a boss who exploits her or a friend who may want to pressure her into what she may not want to do? You’re calling it rudeness, but the world calls it confidence."
Play Summary: The Voice or the Violation?
Is your child being a "rebel," or are they just becoming a "person"? In many traditional cultures, particularly in Nigeria, we often mistake silence for respect and honesty for insult. But there is a fine line between a child who is trying to find their own feet (Assertiveness) and a child who is trying to knock you off yours (Rudeness). When we label every disagreement as "disrespect," we risk crushing the very backbone our children need to survive in today's competitive world.
The Respect Gap: Is it a Bruised Ego or a Broken Rule?
Character Key:
• Ola: The "Traditionalist"; views any challenge to his authority as a personal attack.
• Tems: The "Youth"; trying to balance her own needs with family loyalty.
• Jennifer (Psychologist): Explaining the difference between the lower "survival" brain and logic.
• Jide: The "Bridge"; translating modern behavior for the older generation.
• Elder Ephraim: The "Sage"; on why true respect is earned through understanding, not fear.
JENNIFER:
Ola, we have to look at the intent and the delivery. Assertiveness is a "Confidence" skill. It uses "I" statements to express needs. Rudeness is "Aggression"—it uses "You" statements to attack.
The Fine Line: Delivery vs. Destruction
JIDE:
In Nigeria, we value "Collectivism"—the group harmony. But the world is becoming "Individualistic." Our kids are testing their boundaries. It's not a personal attack; it's Developmental Independence. They are checking if their voice actually matters.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
A lot of what we call "disrespect" is actually just our own Ego being hurt. When Tems says "No," Ola feels like he’s losing power.
JENNIFER:
Exactly. Ego magnifies minor slights. If a driver cuts you off in Lagos traffic, you think, "That idiot is disrespecting me!" But maybe they just have a blind spot. If your child doesn't follow an instruction immediately, you think, "They are mocking my authority!" But maybe they are just distracted by anxiety or stress.
NNE:
We need to look for the "Ailment," not just the "Symptom."
Why They "Act Out" (It’s rarely about you):
• Fear or Stress: They are overwhelmed and "lashing out" is a defense.
• Insecurity: They act "tough" to mask their own doubts.
• Lack of Awareness: They genuinely don't realize how their tone sounds.
• Unresolved Trauma: They are projecting anger from a past event onto the present moment.
The Inquiry: Fostering "Respectful Assertiveness"
The Dynamic Group concludes that reacting impulsively to perceived disrespect creates a wall, not a bridge.
• Respect Their "No": If you allow a child to set a boundary (like refusing a hug or a career path), you make them less vulnerable to peer pressure later.
• Separate Character from Action: Don't say "You are a rude child." Say "The tone you used just now felt hurtful to me."
• Model the Tone: You cannot demand a calm voice while you are screaming.
Nne leans over, stirring her drink. "Ola, she didn't curse at you. she didn't shout. She told you her boundary. If she can’t say 'no' to you, her father who loves her, how will she ever say 'no' to a boss who exploits her or a friend who may want to pressure her into what she may not want to do? You’re calling it rudeness, but the world calls it confidence."
Play Summary: The Voice or the Violation?
Is your child being a "rebel," or are they just becoming a "person"? In many traditional cultures, particularly in Nigeria, we often mistake silence for respect and honesty for insult. But there is a fine line between a child who is trying to find their own feet (Assertiveness) and a child who is trying to knock you off yours (Rudeness). When we label every disagreement as "disrespect," we risk crushing the very backbone our children need to survive in today's competitive world.
The Respect Gap: Is it a Bruised Ego or a Broken Rule?
Character Key:
• Ola: The "Traditionalist"; views any challenge to his authority as a personal attack.
• Tems: The "Youth"; trying to balance her own needs with family loyalty.
• Jennifer (Psychologist): Explaining the difference between the lower "survival" brain and logic.
• Jide: The "Bridge"; translating modern behavior for the older generation.
• Elder Ephraim: The "Sage"; on why true respect is earned through understanding, not fear.
JENNIFER:
Ola, we have to look at the intent and the delivery. Assertiveness is a "Confidence" skill. It uses "I" statements to express needs. Rudeness is "Aggression"—it uses "You" statements to attack.
The Fine Line: Delivery vs. Destruction
JIDE:
In Nigeria, we value "Collectivism"—the group harmony. But the world is becoming "Individualistic." Our kids are testing their boundaries. It's not a personal attack; it's Developmental Independence. They are checking if their voice actually matters.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
A lot of what we call "disrespect" is actually just our own Ego being hurt. When Tems says "No," Ola feels like he’s losing power.
JENNIFER:
Exactly. Ego magnifies minor slights. If a driver cuts you off in Lagos traffic, you think, "That idiot is disrespecting me!" But maybe they just have a blind spot. If your child doesn't follow an instruction immediately, you think, "They are mocking my authority!" But maybe they are just distracted by anxiety or stress.
NNE:
We need to look for the "Ailment," not just the "Symptom."
Why They "Act Out" (It’s rarely about you):
• Fear or Stress: They are overwhelmed and "lashing out" is a defense.
• Insecurity: They act "tough" to mask their own doubts.
• Lack of Awareness: They genuinely don't realize how their tone sounds.
• Unresolved Trauma: They are projecting anger from a past event onto the present moment.
The Inquiry: Fostering "Respectful Assertiveness"
The Dynamic Group concludes that reacting impulsively to perceived disrespect creates a wall, not a bridge.
• Respect Their "No": If you allow a child to set a boundary (like refusing a hug or a career path), you make them less vulnerable to peer pressure later.
• Separate Character from Action: Don't say "You are a rude child." Say "The tone you used just now felt hurtful to me."
• Model the Tone: You cannot demand a calm voice while you are screaming.
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