TOPIC TODAY: Are you teaching your children to be "polite" at the expense of being safe?​ When was the last time you asked your child, "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" to model the behavior you want them to expect from others?​ The Big Question: If you don't teach your child that they have the right to say "No" to you, how will they ever find the courage to say "No" to the world?

The generator at Evking’s Bar is silent for once, but the air is electric. Ola is looking genuinely flustered. "Listen," he says, gesturing with a chicken wing, "if my sister comes to visit and my 4-year-old son refuses to give her a hug, and I let him get away with it, my mother will call me from the village to ask if I’ve lost my mind. In our culture, 'respect' means you do what the elder asks. Now you're telling me he has to 'consent' to a hug?"

​Nne leans back, a sharp glint in her eye. "Ola, that's exactly how the trouble starts. We teach them that their 'No' doesn't matter if the person is older or 'family.' Then, when a stranger or a bad actor comes along, the child has already been trained to ignore their gut feeling just to be 'polite.'"

​The Lead: The "Politeness" Trap

​In many African homes, the concept of Consent is often seen as a foreign, "disrespectful" import. We prize communal harmony and respect for elders so highly that we accidentally override a child’s natural defense system: their Body Autonomy. Teaching consent isn't about teaching rebellion; it’s about arming a child with the "innate tools" to navigate a world where not everyone has their best interests at heart. If a child can't say "no" to a hug from an uncle, they won't feel empowered to say "no" to a much more dangerous situation later.


​JENNIFER:

​Ola, body autonomy simply means: "My body belongs to me." When we force a child to receive affection they don't want, we are teaching them that their feelings are less important than someone else’s comfort.


​OLA:

​But it’s just a hug! It’s family!


​JENNIFER:

​It starts with a hug. By age 3, children are ready to learn that they are in charge of their physical space. Instead of forcing the hug, offer a high-five, a wave, or a "fist bump." You’re still being respectful, but the child is keeping their consent intact.


​NNE:

​It’s not just about "No," Ola. It’s about knowing what a real "Yes" looks like. We call them the 4 C’s. If even one is missing, it isn't consent.

​The Consent Checklist (The 4 C’s)


ELDER EPHRAIM:

​We used to call it "discernment." Children need to be told that that "weird feeling" in their stomach - the one that makes them want to pull away - is their brain trying to protect them.


​JIDE:

​And we can't hide from this anymore. With the internet, they will find answers to their questions about bodies and sex. If we don't normalize the "Consent Conversation" at home, they’ll get a distorted version from a screen.


​NNE:

​Exactly. Use movies or TV shows. When you see a character pushing someone’s boundaries, ask your teen: "Do you think that was okay? Did they actually wait for a 'Yes'?"


​The Inquiry: Consent as the Ultimate Respect

​The Group concludes that consent is the highest form of respect - respect for the individual God gave us to raise.

  • ​Normalize the "No": If a child tells their friend to stop and the friend doesn't, teach the child it’s okay to walk away.
  • ​Non-Verbal Cues: Teach older kids to read body language. If someone is "rolling their eyes" or pulling away, that is a non-verbal "No."
  • ​Open Door Policy: If you don't scold them for being curious at age 5, they’ll come to you when things get complicated at age 15.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SCAVENGERS’ ORGY By OZIOMA IZUORA : EXPOSING THE CRAVINGS OF MEN AND THEIR FANTASIES

‘Scavengers’ Orgy,’ explores the role of customs in communities, in range of behaviour from taken for granted traits, deeds and actions; from child bequeathal, marriage, rape to all manners of exploitations and manipulations. Ozioma documents the shenanigans by individuals and organizations as they crisscross Nigeria to Europe and North America; identifying, exposing and amplifying associations and relationships that may not be obvious to casual readers. ‘Eyes glued to the mirror, Beatrice gauges the effect of the clingy black top she has just pulled over her black bra. It hangs over her short jeans skirt, revealing a wee bit of the alluring flesh of her tight abdomen. She screw up her eyes to better appreciate the effect of her apparel on her prospective audience…she is after all, the prize that has attracted all the attention. Normally she does not mind parading herself, a sinecure of inquisitive eyes, but not for these unpolished rural skunks. For three days, she has felt he...
Read more

WHY WOMEN WON'T GO TO HEAVEN

By DUL JOHNSON 1. I want to start from the very beginning – the opening; What does a reader want in an opening? First is to have the writer introduce the main character(s) and intimate something about the situation she/they are in-i.e the conflict that will provide dramatic twine for the story; (2) to get us interested and involved; and (3) to do it all in a timely fashion, i.e. it stops being an opening as soon as possible and gets on with the story.... ‘WHY WOMEN WON’T MAKE IT TO HEAVEN’ succeeded in doing just that...it introduces us to the characters, showed us where they were, and showed that they’ve gotten concerns or problems. And it does all these in the first page; starting with a long paragraph and quick five short paragraphs. After this, the story is up and running as the conflicts between a husband and his wife, then similar issues between other husbands and their wives escalates with disastrous consequences. The second story is more leisurely, comparably. Reading throug...
Read more

TENANTS OF THE HOUSE

BY WALE OKEDIRAN The historical real-life tale in the ‘Tenants of the House’ will come alive for all those who were fortunate to witness the shenanigans that went with similar attempt few years back; as in the ‘Tenants of the House,’ there was an impeachment procedure instituted against the Speaker of the House of Representative, spear headed by the president, then there was a successful fight back, but then, this was followed immediately by an attempt to institute constitutional amendment for tenure prolongation through the back door which caused an uproar and,...finally, a counter impeachment procedure instituted by the the two houses against the president. The book’s uncontested star is ofcourse, the president; a Chief Ambrose Oneya, a caricature; sloppy, foul-mouthed chief executive whose only ways to do things was to stampede everyone into doing whatever he wanted done, done his way and who never believed, until he was humiliatingly humbled, that Nigerian and Nigeria as a c...
Read more