TOPIC TODAY: Are You a Parent or a Creditor? Are you using your past sacrifices to hijack your child’s future dreams?​ The Big Question: If your child didn't give you a single Naira this year, would you still be proud of the person they’ve become?

The fan at Evking’s Bar is fighting a losing battle against the afternoon heat. Ola is staring at a bank alert on his phone, his face a mask of frustration. "I sent this boy to the best private school in Lagos," he grumbles to the group. "I sacrificed my own comfort, wore the same shoes for three years, and now he’s telling me he wants to 'reinvest' his bonus into a startup instead of sending it home for the new roof. Is this the thanks I get? After all I’ve done?"

​Jide sets his glass down with a soft clink. "Ola, are you describing a son or a high-yield savings account?"

​The Lead: The "Black Tax" vs. The "Love Gift"

​In many African homes, the line between parental sacrifice and a business loan has become dangerously blurred. We’ve inherited a generational mindset where children are viewed as "social security" or retirement plans. While the culture of communal support is beautiful, it turns toxic when love is presented as a debt that must be repaid with interest. When a child’s success is immediately commodified into a "repayment," we don't just lose their money - we lose their hearts.


​JIDE:

​Ola, let’s be blunt: Your son didn’t choose to be born. Providing food, shelter, and education isn't a "favor" you did for him - it was your moral and social responsibility.


​OLA:

​But I sacrificed! I could have bought land, but I paid fees!


​JIDE:

​A doctor is trained to heal; a teacher is paid to teach. A parent is entrusted to raise. You don't see a doctor standing over a patient years later saying, "You owe me your life, so give me your salary." The "investment" was natural and honorable, but demanding repayment turns it into a transaction.


JENNIFER:

​When you use phrases like "After all I’ve done for you," you aren't teaching gratitude; you’re building an Emotional Prison.

​The Transactional vs. Relational home:


NNE:

​It’s true. Every time I want to travel or buy something for myself, I feel this crushing weight of "ingratitude." I feel like an insurance policy, not a human being. I want to help my parents, but the moment it's demanded, it feels like a bill I can never fully pay off.


​ELDER EPHRAIM:

​We must stop repeating the mistakes of our fathers. We pressure our kids because we didn't plan for ourselves.


​OLA:

​So I should just let him forget me in my old age?


​ELDER EPHRAIM:

​No. But you should plan for your own financial independence—savings, pensions, investments. Let his help be a choice made of love, not a burden made of fear. When you release the debt, you actually gain something greater: genuine respect and a lasting connection.

​The Inquiry: Legacy vs. Loan

​The Group concludes that the greatest gift a parent can give is Emotional Freedom.

  • ​Gratitude is Caught, Not Forced: If you model appreciation and kindness, your children will naturally want to care for you.
  • ​Support Their Dreams: A child forced to be a lawyer to pay "family dividends" will eventually burn out. A child supported to be an engineer will thrive—and thrive enough to help willingly.
  • ​Mutual Respect: Parenting is about guiding a soul, not controlling a career.

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