TOPIC TODAY: Can Parents Say Sorry, as teaching their kids accountability, not weakness. Is Your Ego More Important Than Your Bond? When was the last time you were clearly in the wrong with your child? Did you ignore it hoping they’d "forget," or did you use it as a teaching moment? The Big Question: If you want your child to grow up to be a person of integrity, are you willing to show them what integrity looks like when it's wearing a "Sorry" sign?
The overhead fan at Evking’s Bar is clicking rhythmically, almost like a metronome for the heated debate at the corner table. Ola is leaning back, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Say sorry to my son?" he asks, incredulous. "If I apologize every time I lose my temper, he’ll think I’m his mate. A father’s authority is based on being the pillar. If the pillar says it’s sorry, the whole house shakes!"
Nne shakes her head, smiling sadly. "Ola, the house isn't shaking because you apologized. It’s shaking because you screamed and slammed the door. The apology is the only thing that puts the bricks back together. If you don't say sorry, all he learns is that power means never having to admit you're wrong."
The Lead: Authority is Not Infallibility
The "Old School" African parenting model often treats the parent as a semi-divine figure who can do no wrong. In this world, an apology is seen as a surrender of power. But the modern reality is different: Apologizing is a masterclass in accountability. When a parent says "I was wrong," they aren't losing authority; they are gaining legitimacy. They are teaching their child that the rules of respect apply to everyone, regardless of "rank."
OLA:
If I say sorry for yelling, won't he just do the same thing again because he knows I’ll just apologize later?
JENNIFER:
Actually, it’s the opposite, Ola. When you apologize, you signal that your behavior was outside the norm. It validates the child’s feelings. Without the apology, the child thinks that "seeing red" and "yelling" is just how people in power behave.
NNE:
Think about it: We tell our kids to say sorry when they break a toy or hit a sibling. If we don’t do the same when we "break" their feelings, we are being hypocrites. It’s like the "smacking" debate—how can I hit you to teach you not to hit? It makes no sense.
JIDE:
Most parents do the "Half-Apology," which is actually worse. They say, "I'm sorry I yelled, BUT if you had just listened..." That's not an apology; that's a second lecture.
The "Sorry" Audit: Doing it Right
JIDE:
We are raising future leaders. If a child grows up thinking authority figures never apologize, what kind of boss will they be in 2040? They will be the toxic manager everyone hates.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Humility is a sign of a large soul, not a small one. A father who can look his child in the eye and say, "I missed the mark," is a father who is truly respected. Fear is not respect. Fear is just waiting for the person to leave the room.
The Inquiry: Building a Bridge, Not a Wall
The Dynamic Group concludes that an apology is the ultimate tool for "repair."
• Accountability is a Skill: If they don't see it modeled at home, they won't know how to do it in their marriages or careers.
• Safety to Fail: When a parent admits a mistake, it gives the child the safety to admit their own mistakes without fear of being crushed.
• The Hypocrisy Gap: You cannot teach what you refuse to practice.
Nne shakes her head, smiling sadly. "Ola, the house isn't shaking because you apologized. It’s shaking because you screamed and slammed the door. The apology is the only thing that puts the bricks back together. If you don't say sorry, all he learns is that power means never having to admit you're wrong."
The Lead: Authority is Not Infallibility
The "Old School" African parenting model often treats the parent as a semi-divine figure who can do no wrong. In this world, an apology is seen as a surrender of power. But the modern reality is different: Apologizing is a masterclass in accountability. When a parent says "I was wrong," they aren't losing authority; they are gaining legitimacy. They are teaching their child that the rules of respect apply to everyone, regardless of "rank."
OLA:
If I say sorry for yelling, won't he just do the same thing again because he knows I’ll just apologize later?
JENNIFER:
Actually, it’s the opposite, Ola. When you apologize, you signal that your behavior was outside the norm. It validates the child’s feelings. Without the apology, the child thinks that "seeing red" and "yelling" is just how people in power behave.
NNE:
Think about it: We tell our kids to say sorry when they break a toy or hit a sibling. If we don’t do the same when we "break" their feelings, we are being hypocrites. It’s like the "smacking" debate—how can I hit you to teach you not to hit? It makes no sense.
JIDE:
Most parents do the "Half-Apology," which is actually worse. They say, "I'm sorry I yelled, BUT if you had just listened..." That's not an apology; that's a second lecture.
The "Sorry" Audit: Doing it Right
JIDE:
We are raising future leaders. If a child grows up thinking authority figures never apologize, what kind of boss will they be in 2040? They will be the toxic manager everyone hates.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Humility is a sign of a large soul, not a small one. A father who can look his child in the eye and say, "I missed the mark," is a father who is truly respected. Fear is not respect. Fear is just waiting for the person to leave the room.
The Inquiry: Building a Bridge, Not a Wall
The Dynamic Group concludes that an apology is the ultimate tool for "repair."
• Accountability is a Skill: If they don't see it modeled at home, they won't know how to do it in their marriages or careers.
• Safety to Fail: When a parent admits a mistake, it gives the child the safety to admit their own mistakes without fear of being crushed.
• The Hypocrisy Gap: You cannot teach what you refuse to practice.
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