TOPIC TODAY: Are You a Parent or a Sculptor? Are you trying to "repair" your child's personality because it doesn't match your own? Do you realise that your child's "weakness" in one area (like math) might be the trade-off for a "superpower" in another (like empathy or art)? The Big Question: If you finally stopped trying to make your children "the same," what beautiful, unexpected thing would they finally have the space to become?
Evking’s Bar is silent for once, replaced by the rhythmic sound of a local drummer practising at the bandstand. The group is huddled around bowls of hot pepper soups, but the heat isn’t coming from the spices - it’s coming from Ola, who is currently lamenting why his second son isn't "copy-pasting" the academic success of his first son.
SHORT NOTE:
Most parents approach child-rearing like a factory assembly line: if the input (school, food, discipline) remains the same, the expected output (grades, personality, success) should also be consistent. Parents try to enforce "Sameness" because it’s predictable and easier to manage. But science and nature tell a different story. Every child’s brain is a unique fingerprint, shaped by 100 trillion synaptic connections. Whether it’s the way they handle a new classmate or the way they navigate two different Igbo dialects, diversity isn't a defect - it’s the design. When we force a "violinist" brain into a "mathematician" mould, we don't get a better child; we get a broken one.
THE CONVERSATION:
OLA:
I don't get it. Same house, same jollof rice, same private school. Why is my eldest son a walking calculator while my younger one just wants to draw on the walls? I try to push the younger one to be like his brother so he doesn't "fall behind," but it’s like pushing a rope!
JENNIFER:
Ola, you’re trying to overwrite a biological masterpiece. The human brain has 100 billion neurons. Each one can make 10,000 connections. That’s 100 trillion synapses.
Even identical twins develop differently because their non-shared environment - their specific friends, teachers, and moments - shapes their brain structure. You aren't raising a "backup copy" of your first son; you’re raising a new universe.
NNE:
Thank you! My mom always asks why I can't be "organised" like my sister. I’m not disorganised; my brain just prioritises creativity over filing papers. When you enforce sameness, you make us feel like we’re "faulty" versions of someone else.
JIDE:
We even see these differences in how they speak. In Nigeria, we have children navigating English, Pidgin, and local dialects, such as Onitsha Igbo versus Asaba Igbo.
We used to think bilingualism was confusing for kids. Now we know it makes them more empathetic. They are better at detecting misunderstandings and taking other people’s perspectives because their brains are constantly "detecting and repairing" language gaps.
OLA:
So, speaking two dialects makes them smarter?
JIDE:
It makes their brains more flexible. But even two bilingual kids aren't the same. One might use it for social leadership; another might use that focus to master a musical instrument.
JENNIFER:
It’s a "Use it or Lose it" system.
If a child has a genetic talent for the violin but no instrument, those neural pathways will be "pruned" away. On the other hand, a child with less talent but a great teacher will build massive hand-eye coordination networks.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
You see? You can’t blame the soil if you’re trying to grow a mango tree in a desert. Stop trying to "disinfect" your children’s unique thoughts to make them fit your "perfect" template.
The Inquiry: The Diversity Audit.
The Group concludes that enforcing sameness in children is a form of "Emotional Authoritarianism."
SHORT NOTE:
Most parents approach child-rearing like a factory assembly line: if the input (school, food, discipline) remains the same, the expected output (grades, personality, success) should also be consistent. Parents try to enforce "Sameness" because it’s predictable and easier to manage. But science and nature tell a different story. Every child’s brain is a unique fingerprint, shaped by 100 trillion synaptic connections. Whether it’s the way they handle a new classmate or the way they navigate two different Igbo dialects, diversity isn't a defect - it’s the design. When we force a "violinist" brain into a "mathematician" mould, we don't get a better child; we get a broken one.
THE CONVERSATION:
OLA:
I don't get it. Same house, same jollof rice, same private school. Why is my eldest son a walking calculator while my younger one just wants to draw on the walls? I try to push the younger one to be like his brother so he doesn't "fall behind," but it’s like pushing a rope!
JENNIFER:
Ola, you’re trying to overwrite a biological masterpiece. The human brain has 100 billion neurons. Each one can make 10,000 connections. That’s 100 trillion synapses.
Even identical twins develop differently because their non-shared environment - their specific friends, teachers, and moments - shapes their brain structure. You aren't raising a "backup copy" of your first son; you’re raising a new universe.
NNE:
Thank you! My mom always asks why I can't be "organised" like my sister. I’m not disorganised; my brain just prioritises creativity over filing papers. When you enforce sameness, you make us feel like we’re "faulty" versions of someone else.
JIDE:
We even see these differences in how they speak. In Nigeria, we have children navigating English, Pidgin, and local dialects, such as Onitsha Igbo versus Asaba Igbo.
We used to think bilingualism was confusing for kids. Now we know it makes them more empathetic. They are better at detecting misunderstandings and taking other people’s perspectives because their brains are constantly "detecting and repairing" language gaps.
OLA:
So, speaking two dialects makes them smarter?
JIDE:
It makes their brains more flexible. But even two bilingual kids aren't the same. One might use it for social leadership; another might use that focus to master a musical instrument.
JENNIFER:
It’s a "Use it or Lose it" system.
If a child has a genetic talent for the violin but no instrument, those neural pathways will be "pruned" away. On the other hand, a child with less talent but a great teacher will build massive hand-eye coordination networks.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
You see? You can’t blame the soil if you’re trying to grow a mango tree in a desert. Stop trying to "disinfect" your children’s unique thoughts to make them fit your "perfect" template.
The Inquiry: The Diversity Audit.
The Group concludes that enforcing sameness in children is a form of "Emotional Authoritarianism."
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