WHY WOMEN WON'T GO TO HEAVEN
By DUL JOHNSON
1. I want to start from the very beginning – the opening; What does a reader want in an opening? First is to have the writer introduce the main character(s) and intimate something about the situation she/they are in-i.e the conflict that will provide dramatic twine for the story; (2) to get us interested and involved; and (3) to do it all in a timely fashion, i.e. it stops being an opening as soon as possible and gets on with the story.... ‘WHY WOMEN WON’T MAKE IT TO HEAVEN’ succeeded in doing just that...it introduces us to the characters, showed us where they were, and showed that they’ve gotten concerns or problems. And it does all these in the first page; starting with a long paragraph and quick five short paragraphs. After this, the story is up and running as the conflicts between a husband and his wife, then similar issues between other husbands and their wives escalates with disastrous consequences. The second story is more leisurely, comparably. Reading through the books, you have the sense of foreboding, that something is amiss/something is happening, so as a reader, you take the tease, waiting to know what it is and for the story to move on...wait too long, and you lose your reader. , but here, you note that that just as one would want to ask – what is going on, the characters and conflict is introduced. Such trend and settings are common and run through the other stories.
2. Characterization – The use of dialogue with characters that acts and shows emotions helps to give the characters flesh and blood, making them very real.
3. Plot – scenes are in sequence which helps the enrichment and development of the story. However, I am very wary of the use of flashbacks, particularly when it comes when my appetite, as a reader, is wetted, and I am just settling down for the main course. A good example is the story – GHOST OF WAR. The story of a frosty relationship between a father, son and daughter. Now, my quarrel is; if the flashback is so important that we have to leave the story’s ‘present’ why didn’t the story simply start in the past. However, if handled masterfully as was the case in the ‘Ghost Of War’ where despite the non appearance of Dukven at the beginning of the narrative, his life and the conflict - cold relationship with Dapyen, his dad - is presented in the ‘present.’ This only proves that in fiction, there is no hard and fast rule. You can however get away with some only when carefully and cleverly crafted as Dul Johnson has shown.
4. Style – the syntax is delicately handled, sentences are parsed, the language is gracious, simple and colourful. The story is presented in vivid, concrete and sensory details that the reader can picture. Most writers, particularly, beginning writers sometimes make the mistakes of under writing. They don’t realise that the mere fact that they see things in their imagination do not mean the reader sees the same thing. The story – HAND OF DESTINY, where Dul shows the contrasting high horse to bare grass life of the rich and prosperous Okonkwo and the latter bed ridden man lying quote...‘on a six-spring bed with a half-inch thick mattress..’ a situation so bad that his bosom friend, despite the obvious truth, refused to acknowledge the man on the bed as Okonkwo. Still on style, the story ‘LOVE PANG’ where one of two brothers began history of how he found himself centre of attention because of his deftness, dexterity and prowess in playing an instrument-the bwa- and how it contributed to ruining his life and that of his entire family shows how pace can help to tease and encourage readers to keep turning the page. The ‘Love Pang’ story started at a stimulating gallop, then quickly settled down to a trot but all through, the narration retained the interestingly exciting mood.
5. The ‘CINDERS OF THE VOLCANO,’ the story of the young girl violated by her dad is a very very interesting tell-tale narrative. The only problem was that, as a reader, I could not resolve as a reader-mark that- the right age of the letter-writing girl. The fact that she depends on the mum to have her meal ready and waiting whenever she returns from school, does not situate her age below or above teenage; it simply establishes her as spoilt rotten. However, that her mum then had to read a book to send her to sleep, after meals, definitely makes her, in my book, either a teenager or retard. And as a result, the language seemed too matured and inappropriate. More so, since at the time of writing the letter, she was still dealing with her traumatic experience. As an editor, what I saw was the author taking over the girl’s voice and consciousness. But then, I could be wrong. The letter may have been written another time and age. WHY WOMEN WON’T MAKE IT TO HEAVEN IS A WONDERFUL READ. Highly recommended.
1. I want to start from the very beginning – the opening; What does a reader want in an opening? First is to have the writer introduce the main character(s) and intimate something about the situation she/they are in-i.e the conflict that will provide dramatic twine for the story; (2) to get us interested and involved; and (3) to do it all in a timely fashion, i.e. it stops being an opening as soon as possible and gets on with the story.... ‘WHY WOMEN WON’T MAKE IT TO HEAVEN’ succeeded in doing just that...it introduces us to the characters, showed us where they were, and showed that they’ve gotten concerns or problems. And it does all these in the first page; starting with a long paragraph and quick five short paragraphs. After this, the story is up and running as the conflicts between a husband and his wife, then similar issues between other husbands and their wives escalates with disastrous consequences. The second story is more leisurely, comparably. Reading through the books, you have the sense of foreboding, that something is amiss/something is happening, so as a reader, you take the tease, waiting to know what it is and for the story to move on...wait too long, and you lose your reader. , but here, you note that that just as one would want to ask – what is going on, the characters and conflict is introduced. Such trend and settings are common and run through the other stories.
2. Characterization – The use of dialogue with characters that acts and shows emotions helps to give the characters flesh and blood, making them very real.
3. Plot – scenes are in sequence which helps the enrichment and development of the story. However, I am very wary of the use of flashbacks, particularly when it comes when my appetite, as a reader, is wetted, and I am just settling down for the main course. A good example is the story – GHOST OF WAR. The story of a frosty relationship between a father, son and daughter. Now, my quarrel is; if the flashback is so important that we have to leave the story’s ‘present’ why didn’t the story simply start in the past. However, if handled masterfully as was the case in the ‘Ghost Of War’ where despite the non appearance of Dukven at the beginning of the narrative, his life and the conflict - cold relationship with Dapyen, his dad - is presented in the ‘present.’ This only proves that in fiction, there is no hard and fast rule. You can however get away with some only when carefully and cleverly crafted as Dul Johnson has shown.
4. Style – the syntax is delicately handled, sentences are parsed, the language is gracious, simple and colourful. The story is presented in vivid, concrete and sensory details that the reader can picture. Most writers, particularly, beginning writers sometimes make the mistakes of under writing. They don’t realise that the mere fact that they see things in their imagination do not mean the reader sees the same thing. The story – HAND OF DESTINY, where Dul shows the contrasting high horse to bare grass life of the rich and prosperous Okonkwo and the latter bed ridden man lying quote...‘on a six-spring bed with a half-inch thick mattress..’ a situation so bad that his bosom friend, despite the obvious truth, refused to acknowledge the man on the bed as Okonkwo. Still on style, the story ‘LOVE PANG’ where one of two brothers began history of how he found himself centre of attention because of his deftness, dexterity and prowess in playing an instrument-the bwa- and how it contributed to ruining his life and that of his entire family shows how pace can help to tease and encourage readers to keep turning the page. The ‘Love Pang’ story started at a stimulating gallop, then quickly settled down to a trot but all through, the narration retained the interestingly exciting mood.
5. The ‘CINDERS OF THE VOLCANO,’ the story of the young girl violated by her dad is a very very interesting tell-tale narrative. The only problem was that, as a reader, I could not resolve as a reader-mark that- the right age of the letter-writing girl. The fact that she depends on the mum to have her meal ready and waiting whenever she returns from school, does not situate her age below or above teenage; it simply establishes her as spoilt rotten. However, that her mum then had to read a book to send her to sleep, after meals, definitely makes her, in my book, either a teenager or retard. And as a result, the language seemed too matured and inappropriate. More so, since at the time of writing the letter, she was still dealing with her traumatic experience. As an editor, what I saw was the author taking over the girl’s voice and consciousness. But then, I could be wrong. The letter may have been written another time and age. WHY WOMEN WON’T MAKE IT TO HEAVEN IS A WONDERFUL READ. Highly recommended.
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