TOPIC TODAY: Which motivation is the primary driver of online dating? Genuine relationship seeking, the desire for social approval, or the ease of finding sexual experiences, or socializing?
SCENE: A corner table at the lively WorknPlay, bar, Ikeja on a Friday evening.
JIDE (Scrolling through a friend’s dating profile):
Look at this profile. It’s a curated museum of a life he doesn't actually live. The hiking photo, the dog photo he borrowed, the one photo where he's vaguely leaning near a yacht. This isn't relationship seeking; it’s an application for social approval, filtered and optimized. We’re all just looking for digital dopamine hits.
OLA (Not looking up from his drink):
Why separate them? Approval is the relationship currency these days. You meet someone, you immediately assess their social capital - follower count, aesthetic quality of their feed, and who follows them. It's just market efficiency. If your profile is garbage, you signal low value, regardless of your actual personality. The motivation is success, and success is defined by approval.
JENNIFER (Reading a post on her phone, stopped):
I disagree that. Profile are not purely 'market efficiency.' It's a psychological shift driven by accessibility. Sherry Turkle, in her work on technology and intimacy, argued that we seek companionship without the demands of true friendship. Social media dating provides a low-risk, high-volume environment for relationship seeking that is ultimately about self-protection. The motivation isn't a deep connection; it’s the constant option of one, which protects the ego.
ADA (Swiping rapidly):
You all as usual are overthinking it. I'm on social media for two reasons: one, to find people for fun sexual experimentation, obviously. And two, to find new people to socialize with especially this December. Social media is a pipeline to a good time. If I get a relationship, great. If I get a good story, even better. It’s a tool, not a philosophical statement.
NNE (frowning and pointing at Ada):
very true, my friend. Everyone use it as a tool, and then people get treated like commodities. Everyone wants to experiment, but nobody wants to be honest about their intentions. I see a dozen profiles a day saying they want "no drama," but their whole profile is built on drama-free lies. If you want a hookup, say you want a hookup! The dishonesty makes the entire process exhausting and toxic. The motivation is instant gratification masked as "finding love."
JIDE: Nne, you've perfectly captured the satire of modern dating. We've built an intricate digital theater where the act of finding love is now simply a performance for likes, while the true motivation is often just avoiding being alone for the next numbers of hours. The most profound motivation isn't even dating, it's escaping the dread of loneliness...of our own company.
JIDE (Scrolling through a friend’s dating profile):
Look at this profile. It’s a curated museum of a life he doesn't actually live. The hiking photo, the dog photo he borrowed, the one photo where he's vaguely leaning near a yacht. This isn't relationship seeking; it’s an application for social approval, filtered and optimized. We’re all just looking for digital dopamine hits.
OLA (Not looking up from his drink):
Why separate them? Approval is the relationship currency these days. You meet someone, you immediately assess their social capital - follower count, aesthetic quality of their feed, and who follows them. It's just market efficiency. If your profile is garbage, you signal low value, regardless of your actual personality. The motivation is success, and success is defined by approval.
JENNIFER (Reading a post on her phone, stopped):
I disagree that. Profile are not purely 'market efficiency.' It's a psychological shift driven by accessibility. Sherry Turkle, in her work on technology and intimacy, argued that we seek companionship without the demands of true friendship. Social media dating provides a low-risk, high-volume environment for relationship seeking that is ultimately about self-protection. The motivation isn't a deep connection; it’s the constant option of one, which protects the ego.
ADA (Swiping rapidly):
You all as usual are overthinking it. I'm on social media for two reasons: one, to find people for fun sexual experimentation, obviously. And two, to find new people to socialize with especially this December. Social media is a pipeline to a good time. If I get a relationship, great. If I get a good story, even better. It’s a tool, not a philosophical statement.
NNE (frowning and pointing at Ada):
very true, my friend. Everyone use it as a tool, and then people get treated like commodities. Everyone wants to experiment, but nobody wants to be honest about their intentions. I see a dozen profiles a day saying they want "no drama," but their whole profile is built on drama-free lies. If you want a hookup, say you want a hookup! The dishonesty makes the entire process exhausting and toxic. The motivation is instant gratification masked as "finding love."
JIDE: Nne, you've perfectly captured the satire of modern dating. We've built an intricate digital theater where the act of finding love is now simply a performance for likes, while the true motivation is often just avoiding being alone for the next numbers of hours. The most profound motivation isn't even dating, it's escaping the dread of loneliness...of our own company.
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