TOPIC TODAY: Why do people attack your character when they can't win an argument? Have you ever lost your cool during a fight and made yourself look like the "bad guy"? How do you stay calm when someone resorts to lying during arguements?

SCENE: A Bar in Ikeja. A video of a shouting match in the news is playing on the TV.

​OLA (Pacing as he watched the TV):

​I hate this! Why is it that when you tell someone the truth about their bad behavior, they start talking about your past? If I say you stole money, tell me if you stole it or not! Don't tell me I’m "disrespectful" or "too loud."

​JENNIFER (Nodding):

​There is a reason for that, Ola. In logic, we call it an "Ad Hominem" attack. It means "attacking the person." When someone cannot defend their actions, they try to destroy your credibility. They want to make you look like the "bad person" so tha main issue is forgotten or muddled.

​AMARA (Pointing at the TV):

​Exactly. Look at what happened with Senator Natasha in the National Assembly. When she brought up serious facts and accused the leadership of doing wrong, they didn't answer her with facts. Instead, the Senate President and others tried to smear her reputation. Tried to "ruffle her feathers" to make her lose her cool.

​NNE:

​It’s a classic move. If they can make Natasha look "crazy," "irresponsible" or "unstable," then nobody has to listen to her evidence. It’s a distraction. It’s like when a boyfriend gets caught cheating and suddenly he’s shouting that the girlfriend "never dresses well." What does how she dresses have to do with him cheating?

​JIDE (Smiling satirically):

​It has everything to do with it, Nne. It’s a smoke-screen. If you start defending your dressing, you’ve stopped talking about his cheating. He has won.

​AMARA:

​And that is the danger. If you react poorly - if you start shouting, get angry by any means or using bad language - the lies they told about you suddenly look true. People will say, "See? She really is a troublemaker." You lose your power the moment you lose your composure.

​JENNIFER:

​Correct. You must carry yourself with grace and dignity. Stick to the facts. If they call you a liar, don't scream back "I’m not a liar!" Just say, "That is a distraction. Let’s go back to the issue of your cheating."

​OLA:

​It’s hard, o! When someone attacks your name, the fire in your belly wants to burn them down.

​JIDE:

​Let the fire burn inside, Ola, but keep your face cool like ice. Self-control is the ultimate win. When you stay decent while they are being dirty, the whole world sees who the real villain is.

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