TOPIC TODAY: Are We Loving Our Children to Death?We are witnessing a rise in youth fragility in an era of unprecedented comfort.• Can a child build Resilience if they have never been allowed to fail or work for what they have?• Does the 7-7-7 Rule provide the balance between "I love you" and "I expect much from you"?• The Big Question: Is it possible that the "suffering" we tried so hard to protect our children from was actually the very thing they needed to stay alive?
The news of a 16-year-old only child has cast a shadow over Evking’s Bar. In a culture where children are often seen as "insurance" and "legacy," the idea of a young person with "everything" - no chores, no lack, no struggle - taking their own life has sparked a fierce debate.
Jide sits quietly, staring at a half-empty glass. "They said he had a party being prepared for his 17th birthday," Jide mutters. "No dishes to wash, no errands to run. Just books and comfort. And yet..."
OLA:
We have to stop lying to ourselves. We are robbing these kids. By the time I was 17, I knew how to navigate the market, fix a fuse, and survive a week on garri. Today’s parents are so afraid of their children "suffering" that they’ve removed the Grit required to survive a "No." When life finally hits them - and life will hit them - they have zero armor.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
True. We treat "Only Children" like fragile glass. No chores? No responsibility? In my day, chores weren't just about clean floors; they were about Duty. They told you that you were a necessary part of a machine. If you don't give a child a burden to carry when they are young, their own mind will become the burden.
NNE:
But wait, it’s not just about chores. An "only child" carries the weight of two parents' total expectations. If they fail, they feel like they’ve destroyed their parents' entire world. It’s a different kind of pressure. They aren't "soft"; they are suffocated.
JENNIFER:
You’re both right. We’ve traded Resilience (the ability to bounce back) for Protection. But the solution isn't just to be "hard" on them. It’s about Mindful Presence. Have you heard of the 7-7-7 Rule? It’s how we rebuild the bond without losing the discipline.
JIDE:
Seven-seven-seven? Sounds like a jackpot. Is it a gambling move?
JENNIFER:
In a way, yes - you’re betting on their future.
JENNIFER (cont.):
The first version is about 21 minutes of undivided attention.
• 7 mins in the Morning: No shouting about socks. Just "I'm glad you're here."
• 7 mins after School: No "How was the test?" Just "I missed you."
• 7 mins before Bed: No screens. Just "You are safe." These blocks build Emotional Safety. If a child feels seen, they are less likely to feel that suicide is their only "exit."
OLA:
Okay, that’s the "Love" part. But what about the "Grit"?
JENNIFER:
That’s the second 7-7-7 - the Developmental Stages.
JENNIFER (cont.):
• 0-7 (Play): Build the bond.
• 7-14 (Teach): This is where you give the chores! You teach them that actions have consequences. This is the Grit stage.
• 14-21 (Guide): You stop being the "Boss" and become the "Coach." If you are still "managing" a 16 to 20-year-olds' chores, you’ve failed to teach them how to manage themselves.
BISOLA:
At 16, that boy should have been "Guiding" his own life. If he never learned to handle a small failure - like "not getting parental attention" or a failed chore - how could he handle a major adult emotional crisis later in years?
ELDER EPHRAIM:
And what about the parents? They are breaking too.
JIDE:
Jennifer mentioned a breathing trick for them: The 7-7-7 Stress Buster. > Inhale for 7 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 7.
If the parents can't regulate their own stress, they just dump it on the child.
The Inquiry: The Cost of the "Easy Life"
The tragedy of the 16-year-old raises a haunting question about modern Nigerian parenting:
• The Responsibility Gap: Are chores and "hardship" actually life-saving vaccinations against despair?
• Connection vs. Control: Is the 7-7-7 daily connection enough to offset the "suffocation" of being an only child?
• The Maturity Milestone: If we don't transition from "Teacher" to "Guide" at age 14, are we keeping our children in a state of Permanent Infancy?
Jide sits quietly, staring at a half-empty glass. "They said he had a party being prepared for his 17th birthday," Jide mutters. "No dishes to wash, no errands to run. Just books and comfort. And yet..."
OLA:
We have to stop lying to ourselves. We are robbing these kids. By the time I was 17, I knew how to navigate the market, fix a fuse, and survive a week on garri. Today’s parents are so afraid of their children "suffering" that they’ve removed the Grit required to survive a "No." When life finally hits them - and life will hit them - they have zero armor.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
True. We treat "Only Children" like fragile glass. No chores? No responsibility? In my day, chores weren't just about clean floors; they were about Duty. They told you that you were a necessary part of a machine. If you don't give a child a burden to carry when they are young, their own mind will become the burden.
NNE:
But wait, it’s not just about chores. An "only child" carries the weight of two parents' total expectations. If they fail, they feel like they’ve destroyed their parents' entire world. It’s a different kind of pressure. They aren't "soft"; they are suffocated.
JENNIFER:
You’re both right. We’ve traded Resilience (the ability to bounce back) for Protection. But the solution isn't just to be "hard" on them. It’s about Mindful Presence. Have you heard of the 7-7-7 Rule? It’s how we rebuild the bond without losing the discipline.
JIDE:
Seven-seven-seven? Sounds like a jackpot. Is it a gambling move?
JENNIFER:
In a way, yes - you’re betting on their future.
JENNIFER (cont.):
The first version is about 21 minutes of undivided attention.
• 7 mins in the Morning: No shouting about socks. Just "I'm glad you're here."
• 7 mins after School: No "How was the test?" Just "I missed you."
• 7 mins before Bed: No screens. Just "You are safe." These blocks build Emotional Safety. If a child feels seen, they are less likely to feel that suicide is their only "exit."
OLA:
Okay, that’s the "Love" part. But what about the "Grit"?
JENNIFER:
That’s the second 7-7-7 - the Developmental Stages.
JENNIFER (cont.):
• 0-7 (Play): Build the bond.
• 7-14 (Teach): This is where you give the chores! You teach them that actions have consequences. This is the Grit stage.
• 14-21 (Guide): You stop being the "Boss" and become the "Coach." If you are still "managing" a 16 to 20-year-olds' chores, you’ve failed to teach them how to manage themselves.
BISOLA:
At 16, that boy should have been "Guiding" his own life. If he never learned to handle a small failure - like "not getting parental attention" or a failed chore - how could he handle a major adult emotional crisis later in years?
ELDER EPHRAIM:
And what about the parents? They are breaking too.
JIDE:
Jennifer mentioned a breathing trick for them: The 7-7-7 Stress Buster. > Inhale for 7 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 7.
If the parents can't regulate their own stress, they just dump it on the child.
The Inquiry: The Cost of the "Easy Life"
The tragedy of the 16-year-old raises a haunting question about modern Nigerian parenting:
• The Responsibility Gap: Are chores and "hardship" actually life-saving vaccinations against despair?
• Connection vs. Control: Is the 7-7-7 daily connection enough to offset the "suffocation" of being an only child?
• The Maturity Milestone: If we don't transition from "Teacher" to "Guide" at age 14, are we keeping our children in a state of Permanent Infancy?
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