TOPIC TODAY: Is Your Mind Sabotaging Your Love? ​We all have relationship worries, but when does it become a Compulsive Obsession? ​Do you find yourself "scanning" your partner for flaws in their habits?​ Do you feel like you need 100% certainty?​The Big Question: Is it possible that the "problem" isn't your partner's flaws, but your own mind's refusal to accept an imperfect, beautiful reality?

SCENE: Jide’s living room. Jide is pacing.

​JIDE (Voice trembling):

​I like her. Infact, I love her. I really do. But guys, my head is a mess. One minute I think lovingly about her, the next minute I’m obsessing over the way she drinks, things she says  - wondering, is it a mental issue? Does it mean she cannot control herself? Then I start doubting the love or if we over extending infatuation. It’s like a song I can’t stop playing in my head.

​OLA (Scoffing):

​Jide, you’re just bored. If you had more work to do, you wouldn't have time to check if a girl’s habit is "mindset or not" This is just overthinking. Be a man and decide: are you in or out?

​JENNIFER:

​It’s not that simple, Ola. What Jide is describing is a Compulsive Obsession. It’s often called ROCD. It’s a mental loop where your brain treats a minor flaw like a life-or-death emergency. The "doubts" aren't based on reality; they are irrational, persistent urges that cause massive anxiety.

​NNE:

​It sounds exhausting for the girl, too. Imagine being with a guy who is constantly "scanning" you for flaws like a security guard. It kills the vibe, Jide. You’re looking for a "perfect" version of her that doesn't exist.

​ELDER EPHRAIM:

​In my time, we knew women had flaws. We had flaws too! We just stayed together and managed. This "fixation" on her habit or appearance... is it love you are looking for, or a trophy to show the world?

​JIDE:

​It’s not that I want a trophy, Elder! I want to be happy, but the thoughts are unwanted. It’s like an image of her failing or being with the "wrong" person just pops up, and then I have to spend hours "testing" my feelings to see if they are still there. It’s a prison, like I have been poisoned.

​EOO (Softly):

​You are trying to paint a masterpiece on moving water, Jide. Love is fluid. But your obsession wants it to be a cold, hard statue. You are fixating on her "flaws" because you are afraid of the uncertainties. You think if you find the "perfect" her, you’ll be happy.

​JENNIFER:

​Exactly. People with this obsession try to "solve" the relationship like a math problem. They ask: "Do her habits mean she is wrong for me?" or "Am I truly in love?" They want 100% certainty, but love is built on trusting/faith, not certainty.

​OLA:

​So, what? He just stays in this loop until he goes crazy?

​JENNIFER:

​No. He has to stop "checking." Every time he analyzes her habits or his feelings, he feeds the obsession. He has to learn to sit with the doubt without trying to find answers.

CONTROL:

​If you find yourself in Jide’s shoes, trapped in a loop of doubting your partner or fixating on their flaws, here is the path to reclaiming your mind:

  1. ​Label the Thought: When a doubt pops up (e.g., "Is she troubled?"), don't argue with it. Simply say, "That’s an obsessive thought, not a fact."
  2. ​Stop the Compulsion: The "compulsion" is the act of checking your feelings or analyzing the relationship. Refuse to analyze. When the urge to "think it through" hits, go do something else immediately.
  3. ​Accept Uncertainty: Practice saying, "Maybe she is the right one, maybe she isn't. I choose to be here today." Relinquishing the need for a "guarantee" kills the obsession.
  4. ​Differentiate "Flaw" from "Dealbreaker": A minor habit (like how she drink or never satisfied) is a flaw. Taking risks or dishonesty is a dealbreaker. If it's just a flaw issue, tell your brain to "stand down."
  5. ​Focus on Value, Not Feeling: Feelings go up and down. Focus on how you treat each other. Action is more reliable than a fluctuating "spark."

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