TOPIC TODAY: Is Your "Respect" a Shared Language or a Wall of Silence?• Does your child feel like a person with rights, or an object waiting to "earn" a voice?• Are we holding onto traditions (like the whip or silencing children) because they work, or because we are afraid to stop?• The Big Question: When you demand silence in the name of respect, are you building a "Sanctified Elder" or are you just raising a Confident Hypocrite?
The shadows in Elder Ephraim’s garden have grown long, and the air is cool. A heavy silence follows Elder Ephraim’s visitor's narration. Ola looks at the ground, his face a mixture of defence and deep reflection. You speak of growing up in the era of the "unquestionable elder," and the idea that youth now can openly speak and challenge the elders, means they might be rattling the "respect" foundation.
"I always thought my silence was my strength," Ola says quietly. "That by swallowing my words before my father, I was becoming a 'man of honour.' But now I look at my son, and I realise he isn't honouring me - he's just hiding from me."
JIDE:
We’ve been told that our "Respect" is what makes us superior to the West - that we don't abandon our elders. But as Aristotle pointed out in his Nicomachean Ethics, any virtue pushed to the extreme becomes a vice.
JIDE (cont.):
When respect is no longer tempered by justice, it becomes a Vertical Hierarchy. It stops being about love and starts being about Submissiveness. We’ve sanctified "untouchability," even when it causes harm.
JENNIFER:
That’s where the "Angel at Home, Stranger Outside" syndrome comes from. If a child has to "disinfect" their thoughts and present a "sanitised" version of themselves to stay safe at home, they learn that truth is dangerous. They learn to be Dorsal - irrelevant and silent - just to exist.
JIDE:
I saw a whip in the Kyiv museum. My friend was embarrassed by it. But back here in Nigeria, that whip is still on the dining table. We call it "discipline," but often it’s just the physical enforcement of Self-Erasure.
OLA:
But if we don't have this structure, doesn't the society fall apart? Look at the chaos in places where kids have no "respect"!
JENNIFER:
There’s a difference between Cultural Hierarchy and Emotional Authoritarianism.
We have spoken of comparing Authoritative vs Authoritarian parenting styles.
In places like South Korea, they have deep respect rituals (bowing), but they are moving toward Horizontal Respect - where the child’s personal space and judgment are acknowledged. A strong group is made of strong individuals, not "shadows" who perform for the comfort of the elders.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
My ancestors were builders. You don't build a house and then never repair the roof. Culture is not a statue to be worshipped; it is a living thing that needs to be nurtured and refined.
"I always thought my silence was my strength," Ola says quietly. "That by swallowing my words before my father, I was becoming a 'man of honour.' But now I look at my son, and I realise he isn't honouring me - he's just hiding from me."
JIDE:
We’ve been told that our "Respect" is what makes us superior to the West - that we don't abandon our elders. But as Aristotle pointed out in his Nicomachean Ethics, any virtue pushed to the extreme becomes a vice.
JIDE (cont.):
When respect is no longer tempered by justice, it becomes a Vertical Hierarchy. It stops being about love and starts being about Submissiveness. We’ve sanctified "untouchability," even when it causes harm.
JENNIFER:
That’s where the "Angel at Home, Stranger Outside" syndrome comes from. If a child has to "disinfect" their thoughts and present a "sanitised" version of themselves to stay safe at home, they learn that truth is dangerous. They learn to be Dorsal - irrelevant and silent - just to exist.
JIDE:
I saw a whip in the Kyiv museum. My friend was embarrassed by it. But back here in Nigeria, that whip is still on the dining table. We call it "discipline," but often it’s just the physical enforcement of Self-Erasure.
OLA:
But if we don't have this structure, doesn't the society fall apart? Look at the chaos in places where kids have no "respect"!
JENNIFER:
There’s a difference between Cultural Hierarchy and Emotional Authoritarianism.
We have spoken of comparing Authoritative vs Authoritarian parenting styles.
In places like South Korea, they have deep respect rituals (bowing), but they are moving toward Horizontal Respect - where the child’s personal space and judgment are acknowledged. A strong group is made of strong individuals, not "shadows" who perform for the comfort of the elders.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
My ancestors were builders. You don't build a house and then never repair the roof. Culture is not a statue to be worshipped; it is a living thing that needs to be nurtured and refined.
The "Cage" vs. The "Compass"
NNE:
To the youths reading this: "Respect" isn't a costume you wear until you’re old enough to take it off. It’s a dialogue. If you are polishing your words just to avoid a "sharp glare," you aren't being respectful - you're being Fearful. And fear is a terrible foundation for a culture.
The Inquiry: Pruning the Family Tree
The Group concludes that to honour our roots, we must be brave enough to cut away the "dead wood" in tradition.
• Respect is not a debt: It is a mutual recognition between humans.
• Questioning is Love: Asking "Why do we still do this?" is the highest form of caring for one's culture.
• Individual vs. Group: A group that suffocates its individuals is not a commonwealth; it's a "Community under Control."
To the youths reading this: "Respect" isn't a costume you wear until you’re old enough to take it off. It’s a dialogue. If you are polishing your words just to avoid a "sharp glare," you aren't being respectful - you're being Fearful. And fear is a terrible foundation for a culture.
The Inquiry: Pruning the Family Tree
The Group concludes that to honour our roots, we must be brave enough to cut away the "dead wood" in tradition.
• Respect is not a debt: It is a mutual recognition between humans.
• Questioning is Love: Asking "Why do we still do this?" is the highest form of caring for one's culture.
• Individual vs. Group: A group that suffocates its individuals is not a commonwealth; it's a "Community under Control."
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