TOPIC TODAY: Is "Cool" the New "Careless"?The trend toward "Friendly Parenting" is shifting the Nigerian home. Is this the end of discipline, or the beginning of a more stable generation?• Can a parent be a Confidant without losing their Authority?• Is "Other-Oriented Induction" (explaining the impact on others) more effective than the traditional "Do, because I said so"?• The Big Question: As our children grow through the complex stages of adulthood, do they need us to be the people they "hang out" with, or the people they can always trust to tell them the hard truth?
The debate at Evking’s Bar has shifted from "Who owns the child?" to the even more polarising question of how to communicate with them. Elder Ephraim is watching a young father at the next table laughing and "dapping" his teenage son, treating him like a peer.
He clears his throat, the sound of a man about to challenge a modern trend. "In my day," he begins, "a father was a king, not a 'buddy.' Now, I see parents trying to be 'cool.' But when the wind blows and the child needs an anchor, can a 'friend' provide the weight of authority?"
ELDER EPHRAIM:
This "Friendship" trend is dangerous. If you are a friend of your child's, who is their parent? A friend cannot tell you "No" and make it stick. A friend cannot demand respect. By becoming "cool," you are leaving your child leaderless in a world that is already chaotic.
NNE:
But Elder, I’d rather have a parent I can tell my secrets to than a "King" I have to lie to. If I’m scared of you, I won't tell you when I’m in trouble. If we are "friends" - or at least friendly - I know I have a safe harbour.
JENNIFER:
You’re both touching on the two extremes. The goal isn't to be a "buddy" (Permissive) or a "Dictator" (Authoritarian). It’s to be Authoritative.
This means being high in Warmth (the "friendly" part) but also high in Expectation (the "parent" part). You can value a child’s opinion without letting it be the final word.
OLA:
But Jennifer, if I start asking for his "opinion" on the house rules, hasn't he already won?
JENNIFER:
No, Ola. Active listening isn't the same as total agreement.
When you listen and explain the rationale—like why he can’t stay out past 10 PM - you are building trust. You are moving from "Do as I say" to "This is why we do this for our growth."
BISOLA:
We have to remember that parenting is preparing them for the stages of adulthood.
Adulthood isn't a single phase; it’s a series of responsibilities from managing money to healthy relationships. A "friend" parent who never sets boundaries is actually handicapping the child’s ability to handle the "No" they will eventually hear from a boss or a bank.
JIDE:
I saw a great example of the middle ground today. A kid put his dirty shoes on a bus seat. Instead of the dad screaming "Get down!", he said: "Don't do that. It makes the seat dirty for the next person who needs to sit there."
JENNIFER:
That is Other-Oriented Induction. It’s the gold standard of "Friendly Parenting." You aren't just giving an order; you are teaching empathy. You are showing the child the impact of their behaviour on the world. That builds self-control, not just fear of punishment.
NNE:
See? That’s what I mean. The dad was being a teacher, but in a respectful way. He treated the kid like a thinking human being.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Fine. But when the "explanation" is finished, and the child still refuses to listen, the "Friendship" must end and the "Parent" must appear. The hierarchy must remain because the responsibility of protection sits on the parents' shoulders alone.
He clears his throat, the sound of a man about to challenge a modern trend. "In my day," he begins, "a father was a king, not a 'buddy.' Now, I see parents trying to be 'cool.' But when the wind blows and the child needs an anchor, can a 'friend' provide the weight of authority?"
ELDER EPHRAIM:
This "Friendship" trend is dangerous. If you are a friend of your child's, who is their parent? A friend cannot tell you "No" and make it stick. A friend cannot demand respect. By becoming "cool," you are leaving your child leaderless in a world that is already chaotic.
NNE:
But Elder, I’d rather have a parent I can tell my secrets to than a "King" I have to lie to. If I’m scared of you, I won't tell you when I’m in trouble. If we are "friends" - or at least friendly - I know I have a safe harbour.
JENNIFER:
You’re both touching on the two extremes. The goal isn't to be a "buddy" (Permissive) or a "Dictator" (Authoritarian). It’s to be Authoritative.
This means being high in Warmth (the "friendly" part) but also high in Expectation (the "parent" part). You can value a child’s opinion without letting it be the final word.
OLA:
But Jennifer, if I start asking for his "opinion" on the house rules, hasn't he already won?
JENNIFER:
No, Ola. Active listening isn't the same as total agreement.
When you listen and explain the rationale—like why he can’t stay out past 10 PM - you are building trust. You are moving from "Do as I say" to "This is why we do this for our growth."
BISOLA:
We have to remember that parenting is preparing them for the stages of adulthood.
Adulthood isn't a single phase; it’s a series of responsibilities from managing money to healthy relationships. A "friend" parent who never sets boundaries is actually handicapping the child’s ability to handle the "No" they will eventually hear from a boss or a bank.
JIDE:
I saw a great example of the middle ground today. A kid put his dirty shoes on a bus seat. Instead of the dad screaming "Get down!", he said: "Don't do that. It makes the seat dirty for the next person who needs to sit there."
JENNIFER:
That is Other-Oriented Induction. It’s the gold standard of "Friendly Parenting." You aren't just giving an order; you are teaching empathy. You are showing the child the impact of their behaviour on the world. That builds self-control, not just fear of punishment.
NNE:
See? That’s what I mean. The dad was being a teacher, but in a respectful way. He treated the kid like a thinking human being.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
Fine. But when the "explanation" is finished, and the child still refuses to listen, the "Friendship" must end and the "Parent" must appear. The hierarchy must remain because the responsibility of protection sits on the parents' shoulders alone.
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