TOPIC TODAY: Are You a Blueprint or a Warning as a Parent? Our homes are the first schools of character. Every exchange - whether in anger or affection - is a lesson in the classroom of life. Does the responsibility of "modelling" make you feel empowered or trapped? Can a man be a "Traditional Authority" while still being a humble Partner to his wife? The Big Question: If your child grew up to treat their partner exactly the way you treat yours today, would you be proud or terrified?
The evening rain in Ikeja is drum-beating against the roof of Evking’s Bar, but inside, the mood is contemplative. Jide is tracing the condensation on his glass, thinking about a story his neighbour told him about a 15-year-old who tried to "negotiate" a time-out using the exact legal jargon his father uses on work calls.
"They are little tape recorders," Jide says quietly. "They don't just hear what we say; they record how we breathe when the bill comes, how we look at our partners when we're tired, and how we treat the gateman."
OLA:
So, what you’re saying is that from the moment I have a child, my "freedom" is gone? I can't live "YOLO" (You Only Live Once) anymore because I have a mini-me watching my every move. That’s a heavy prison, Jide. If I’m stressed and I shout, I’m "teaching violence"? That’s a lot of pressure.
JENNIFER:
It’s not a prison, Ola, it’s a Social Learning environment.
Children possess mirror neurons. When they see you handle stress with a cigarette or a shout, their brains record that as a "survival tool." You aren't losing your freedom; you are being asked to become the best version of yourself for a significant audience.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
But wait. The user mentioned a father listening to his wife’s counsel. In many traditional circles, they would call that man "weak." They’d say he has surrendered his authority. If a son watches that, will he grow up to be a leader or a follower?
NNE:
He’ll grow up to be a Partner, Elder! If a man respects his wife and lets her speak, he isn't breaking a "vow of authority"; he is demonstrating Emotional Intelligence. He is sowing the seed that says: "A woman’s brain is an asset, not a threat." That son will honour his wife, and that daughter will never accept a man who tries to muzzle her.
JIDE:
But what if life takes a "twist"? If I have to struggle, lie, or "do whatever it takes" to survive a financial crisis, does that override the blueprint of respect? Can I still pass on those values when I’m in survival mode?
JENNIFER:
Actually, the "twist" is when they learn the most.
If they watch you struggle but see you remain honest with your partner - if they see the mother act as the "shield" instead of the "victim" - they learn Resilience. They learn that love isn't just for the "soft" times; it’s a tactical alliance for the hard times.
BISOLA:
On the flip side, the psychological imprint of domestic violence or verbal abuse is deep. When a father assaults a mother, he isn't just hurting her; he is "coding" the girl to believe that endurance of pain is the price of love. He is "coding" the boy to believe that masculinity is measured by the volume of his voice.
OLA:
So, the home is a classroom where the "syllabus" is just our daily life.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
It seems we must move from "Do as I say" to "Watch as I love." It is a harder path, but perhaps it is the only one that builds a nation of character.
The Inquiry: The Mirror of the Home
The dialogue suggests that parenting is an act of Active Modelling:
• Visible Love: Why do we find it easy to show anger in front of kids but hide affection? Love should be "practised," not just "professed."
• Mutual Respect: Recognising boundaries isn't just for adults; it’s teaching children that they have rights over their own bodies and voices.
• The "Twist" Test: Survival shouldn't mean the abandonment of values. How we struggle is the ultimate lesson in grit for the next generation.
"They are little tape recorders," Jide says quietly. "They don't just hear what we say; they record how we breathe when the bill comes, how we look at our partners when we're tired, and how we treat the gateman."
OLA:
So, what you’re saying is that from the moment I have a child, my "freedom" is gone? I can't live "YOLO" (You Only Live Once) anymore because I have a mini-me watching my every move. That’s a heavy prison, Jide. If I’m stressed and I shout, I’m "teaching violence"? That’s a lot of pressure.
JENNIFER:
It’s not a prison, Ola, it’s a Social Learning environment.
Children possess mirror neurons. When they see you handle stress with a cigarette or a shout, their brains record that as a "survival tool." You aren't losing your freedom; you are being asked to become the best version of yourself for a significant audience.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
But wait. The user mentioned a father listening to his wife’s counsel. In many traditional circles, they would call that man "weak." They’d say he has surrendered his authority. If a son watches that, will he grow up to be a leader or a follower?
NNE:
He’ll grow up to be a Partner, Elder! If a man respects his wife and lets her speak, he isn't breaking a "vow of authority"; he is demonstrating Emotional Intelligence. He is sowing the seed that says: "A woman’s brain is an asset, not a threat." That son will honour his wife, and that daughter will never accept a man who tries to muzzle her.
JIDE:
But what if life takes a "twist"? If I have to struggle, lie, or "do whatever it takes" to survive a financial crisis, does that override the blueprint of respect? Can I still pass on those values when I’m in survival mode?
JENNIFER:
Actually, the "twist" is when they learn the most.
If they watch you struggle but see you remain honest with your partner - if they see the mother act as the "shield" instead of the "victim" - they learn Resilience. They learn that love isn't just for the "soft" times; it’s a tactical alliance for the hard times.
BISOLA:
On the flip side, the psychological imprint of domestic violence or verbal abuse is deep. When a father assaults a mother, he isn't just hurting her; he is "coding" the girl to believe that endurance of pain is the price of love. He is "coding" the boy to believe that masculinity is measured by the volume of his voice.
OLA:
So, the home is a classroom where the "syllabus" is just our daily life.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
It seems we must move from "Do as I say" to "Watch as I love." It is a harder path, but perhaps it is the only one that builds a nation of character.
The Inquiry: The Mirror of the Home
The dialogue suggests that parenting is an act of Active Modelling:
• Visible Love: Why do we find it easy to show anger in front of kids but hide affection? Love should be "practised," not just "professed."
• Mutual Respect: Recognising boundaries isn't just for adults; it’s teaching children that they have rights over their own bodies and voices.
• The "Twist" Test: Survival shouldn't mean the abandonment of values. How we struggle is the ultimate lesson in grit for the next generation.
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