Topic Today: Is "Minding Your Business" Killing Our Kids?We have replaced the "Open Village" with "Gated Villas." While we have gained privacy and protection from "meddling" neighbours, what have we lost?• Do parents today overprotect children from necessary societal feedback?• Should we return to a system where any adult can correct a child, or is that too dangerous in a world of predators?• The Big Question: Who really owns a child? Is it the parents who birthed them, or the society that will eventually have to live with theadultst they become?
The scene. A humid Ikeja evening, at the Evkings Bar, but the heat inside the circle is purely intellectual. Elder Ephraim leans back, tapping his walking stick against the floor, his eyes misty with nostalgia as he looks at Zainab and Tobi.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
In my village, if you did something wrong, the nearest adult was your father or mother at that moment. You didn't dare say "Who are you?" You took your correction, and if you dared go home to report, your real father would give you a second round for "disgracing the family" in public. We were raised by the eyes of the whole street.
OLA:
And that’s why we turned out okay! Today, in these modern "Villas" and estates, you don't even know your neighbour. If you try to correct a child, the mother will come out like a lioness, shouting, "Who gave you the right to touch my child?" We’ve lost the Stringent Monitoring that kept the youth in check.
NNE (Shaking her head):
But Ola, that "Village" you’re missing was also a place where people’s trauma was ignored. Who says that "nearest adult" is a good person? What if they are abusive? What if they are correcting the child out of spite? I don't want a random neighbour deciding my child's discipline. My child is mine, not a community project.
JENNIFER:
This is the great shift, Nne. We’ve moved from Communalism - where group survival wasthe priority - to Individualism, where parental autonomy is king.
BISOLA:
Legally, the "Village" model is a minefield today. Under modern law, a parent is the primary guardian. If a neighbour disciplines your child today, that could be "Assault" or "Child Abuse." The law protects the child's physical integrity. The community doesn't "own" the child - the state and the parents share that responsibility.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
But Bisola, the result of this "privacy" is that children are now doing drugs, in risky, openly promiscuous relationships and joining cults behind those high walls because the neighbours are "minding their business." When does "protecting" your child from the community turn into "controlling" them into a disaster?
JIDE (Satirically):
Exactly. We’ve built walls so high that the village can’t see the fire in our backyard until the whole house is gone. We want "privacy," but then we wonder why we feel so alone when the child becomes "uncontrollable."
NNE:
I think there’s a middle ground. I want my neighbours to watch out for my child’s safety - like "Hey, your daughter is playing near the road" - but I don't want them policing my child’s character. That is my job.
OLA:
But if you aren't there, and the child is being a nuisance, should I just watch?
BISOLA:
You report to the parent. That is the modern village. You provide the information, but the parent provides the discipline. The problem is, many parents today are too defensive to even hear the truth about their kids.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
That is the tragedy. We’ve traded a "Community of Correction" for a "Society of Silence."
The Inquiry: Collective Responsibility vs. Parental Rights
The debate at Evking’s Bar highlights a deep tension in modern Nigeria:
• The Merits of the "Village": Constant monitoring, shared moral standards, and a wider support system for the child.
• The Demerits of the "Village": Potential for abuse, lack of parental agency, and the forcing of outdated or "mean" traditions on children.
• The Ownership Question: If a child’s behaviour affects the community (crime, noise, disrespect, etc), does the community have a right to intervene, or must they wait for the parent?
ELDER EPHRAIM:
In my village, if you did something wrong, the nearest adult was your father or mother at that moment. You didn't dare say "Who are you?" You took your correction, and if you dared go home to report, your real father would give you a second round for "disgracing the family" in public. We were raised by the eyes of the whole street.
OLA:
And that’s why we turned out okay! Today, in these modern "Villas" and estates, you don't even know your neighbour. If you try to correct a child, the mother will come out like a lioness, shouting, "Who gave you the right to touch my child?" We’ve lost the Stringent Monitoring that kept the youth in check.
NNE (Shaking her head):
But Ola, that "Village" you’re missing was also a place where people’s trauma was ignored. Who says that "nearest adult" is a good person? What if they are abusive? What if they are correcting the child out of spite? I don't want a random neighbour deciding my child's discipline. My child is mine, not a community project.
JENNIFER:
This is the great shift, Nne. We’ve moved from Communalism - where group survival wasthe priority - to Individualism, where parental autonomy is king.
BISOLA:
Legally, the "Village" model is a minefield today. Under modern law, a parent is the primary guardian. If a neighbour disciplines your child today, that could be "Assault" or "Child Abuse." The law protects the child's physical integrity. The community doesn't "own" the child - the state and the parents share that responsibility.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
But Bisola, the result of this "privacy" is that children are now doing drugs, in risky, openly promiscuous relationships and joining cults behind those high walls because the neighbours are "minding their business." When does "protecting" your child from the community turn into "controlling" them into a disaster?
JIDE (Satirically):
Exactly. We’ve built walls so high that the village can’t see the fire in our backyard until the whole house is gone. We want "privacy," but then we wonder why we feel so alone when the child becomes "uncontrollable."
NNE:
I think there’s a middle ground. I want my neighbours to watch out for my child’s safety - like "Hey, your daughter is playing near the road" - but I don't want them policing my child’s character. That is my job.
OLA:
But if you aren't there, and the child is being a nuisance, should I just watch?
BISOLA:
You report to the parent. That is the modern village. You provide the information, but the parent provides the discipline. The problem is, many parents today are too defensive to even hear the truth about their kids.
ELDER EPHRAIM:
That is the tragedy. We’ve traded a "Community of Correction" for a "Society of Silence."
The Inquiry: Collective Responsibility vs. Parental Rights
The debate at Evking’s Bar highlights a deep tension in modern Nigeria:
• The Merits of the "Village": Constant monitoring, shared moral standards, and a wider support system for the child.
• The Demerits of the "Village": Potential for abuse, lack of parental agency, and the forcing of outdated or "mean" traditions on children.
• The Ownership Question: If a child’s behaviour affects the community (crime, noise, disrespect, etc), does the community have a right to intervene, or must they wait for the parent?
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